Where am I headed ???

On the way to work today morning , scenes of my days in bangalore flashed across my mind. It was just out of no where... maybe it has a connection as bangalore was my first work place away from home and i feel almost the same... Bangalore was my time of glory and at the same time the absolute hour of misery... visiting bangalore after a long time , that too alone was indeed a little chilly feeling for me as i ve never stayed away from home alone... somehow i was there and professional life (work , alcohol, smokes & a terrible choice of girlfriend) was all good... in fact i enjoyed every moment working in that organization , exposing the nascent peaks of my ability... just as things were settling in , i ended up in what i called the most shameful episode of life... thanks to my alcohol affinity , i coped up... when i say i coped up , i jus ignored the shit i was in and staggered forward... my period of glory was totally shrouded with one grave mistake i made and i had no choice but to turn a blind eye on it... I can still remember my life style there , being the only employee in my team with an individual house .... parties were innumerable... this house indeed requires a description... during monsoon times , u need to cross three rivers (water overflowing from nearby canals) , no tar roads , surrounded by vacant plots yet to be occupied but covered with green... the only house i every stayed without an air conditioner... never needed one... this is where i panicked while sleeping , the shadows of my jerkin gave me jitters as tho there was someone else at home... even if needed to buy a pack of smokes i have to use my vehicle... most of my shopping is done on the way back from work... daily shopping includes food , liquor , smokes and some chocolates... i learned meager kannada for my survival , ondhu (one) , eradu (two) and kodi (give)... i lived with these few words , all needed to get what u want... two mallu restaurants , iyer brothers and another christian restaurant catered to all my food supplies and drinking companies... there was one liquor shop towards the entrance of my colony , the owner and employees who finally turn out to be my local protection... The beginning of every month would see me buying 1 liter bottles of Royal Challenge (my then favorite drink) , Bacardi (still favorite) or Smirnoff (once in a while)... after 10 days , it would become half bottles , towards the 3rd week its beer and the last week is always credible accounting... sometimes crazy enough to call up restaurants and order bottles of wine along for delivery... my office buddies use to frequent my home for a night out or sometimes groups would land up for a weekend fun... my strict order of no other disease other than liquor and smokes was appreciating i guess as the crowds started growing and for diwali i had over 25 - 30 people blowing up my home... well , this was my time of glory , at a young age of 22... Living a happy and carefree life , I guess i invited too much of whatever forces that would lead to one's downfall... i was too hot headed at work (y wouldnt i , i was the number 1 performer) and slammed my resignation and walked out... it dint take me too long to realize that , "THIS" was going to be the pivot of my life and was the greatest mistake that I would ever record in life... from a world number one company , i ended up in one of the lousiest organizations (claims to be the 1st in somethings tho)...i ended shacking up as a paying guest... i was happy about it tho , coz there would always be someone around rather than being lonely... the worst was yet to come , the other PG's were distilleries when it comes to drinking... and i was in a wreck already... hence forth my daily agenda was provided by the devil himself... day after day of misery... 90 % of my pain was hidden from home , all i said was am not happy with my new job... the number of made up stories to prevent my folks from visiting me would ve got me an oscar...the stupid company had some issues with my bank account and i was penny less for close to 3 months... if i made one gesture to ask money from home , i would ve got back luxury , but then i would be pulled back from my darling bangalore to singara chennai... anyway , finally it ended up that i couldn pay my rents , i sold almost 6 mobile phones , ended up drinking old monk rum which was 30rs a quarter , smoked a filter less cigarette which invoked my smokers cough , evident even till date... a bunch of drunken bachelors under one roof... u can imagine the perilous life of poor neighbors... one night some of my neighbors rushed in with sticks and knives , beat up most of the guys for peeking into their house... well i was spared as i maintained a decent relation with almost every house in that street and i had some people vouch for me... the house was like a war zone with almost every single furniture and show cases damaged... the next day police officers had come in to investigate , the entire neighborhood pointed fingers at every single guy and believe me , i was the only one spared... in fact one of the neighbor's asked me to move into their house instead of staying here... this moment , is one moment i realized that , i should thank heaven for making me broke and half dead... if not , i would ve been the first one to be jumping for everything ... it was this emotional breakdown period that silenced me... tho i always take caution while partying , this period would ve been worse if i was in times of high spirit... one of my neighbors had a son totally an addict and often i ve heard screams and violent noises... the parents are elderly and the son was about 30+... the father used to talk to me often when i cross their house and he used to literally shed tears talking about his son... i can still remember him narrating how his son would threaten him to go buy a bottle of vodka or would attack his mom... once this father rushed up to me and asked me the name of a cigarette brand , i told him i dint know that he smoked... he replied that he never did , he was buying it for his son... i really felt like kicking that son of a b****... one sunday while i was lazing at home , the father ran inside the house and asked my fellow paying guests for me... i came down and i saw him crying madly and said his son is threatening to kill him and his wife... i rushed along with him and saw his son standing in the street with a knife and verbally abusing his mom... well , what should i do now... an addict with a knife , totally intoxicated... i have no idea , i rushed forward and grabbed his knife held hand , luckily 2 more on lookers rushed in and we pinned him to the floor... removed the knife from him , as he got up he abused his mother again in full public view , i don't know y and from where i got this thought , there was a cricket bat lying nearby , i started thrashing this guy with all my might and more people joined him... the mother rushed in and gave her piece of beating , i could see her agony in the way she cursed the guy... finally pulled out the car , took him straight to a rehabilitation center... this period of desolation will further be remembered by me for one major accident... an accident that was waiting to happen... an accident that shattered my belief... normally during parties , i make it point to drive by myself rather than letting someone else do it... but , this time it was another friend's car and he crashed vehemently onto an on coming vehicle at a speed of over 120 km/hr... the shattering experience of the windshield crystals spray across my face still gives me goose bumps... the radiator burst and there is no way of escape... first confrontation with bangalore cops... and believe me , they are not ones you wanna talk to especially after drinking... there was no scene of i know IG , i know CM... i knew no one in that city... anyway , since i had bruises on my face and since we were passengers , the driver/owner of the vehicle was alone booked... every second was like hours... on my journey back to chennai , all i could was try to realize reasons for my downfall , reasons as to why things toppled like within seconds... till date , i am still reasoning within myself... i would never say i understood the reasons fully... every time i visit bangalore , i make it a point to visit the areas of my first home , my paying guest neighbors and few friends whom i can never forget... the father whose son we admitted with the rehab , i visit him every time and i can see a much better smile on his face , i dared ask him about the son... who cares if he recovered or is still in the rehab... that smile was all i needed...