FRIENDSHIP

I thought love was something that is a complex mix of emotions and reactions... But I jus realized that all thru my life i ve been finding another relationship really really difficult...

to begin with ... like i ve mentioned in my other posts... i believe the best form of God given communication is with man... the ability to speak... the ability to articulate one's feelings... and i've always used it to the maximum to let the other person know what i intend in my mind... but i ve failed a many times and miserably failing even now...

today happens to be a day that i took a resolution that i would quit my daily drinking habit... that was my only leisure... my only time i could relax n think to an extent i cant even believe... please i am not an addict who has to drink to open his crativity... its jus that i have the habit of talkin within me... which those who possess would know the benefit and its innumerable abilities to carve a niche that nobody else can... for those who may take this funny... yes u can call me mad... but nobody until today even knows that i am a person who talks within... havent u heard of talkin from your soul... havent u heard of people saying... he read my thoughts... he did jus what i wanted him to do... and since i talk within me... i always talk in DETAIL when i articualte with someone... by now u would ve understood what i mean... the topic is about friendship and see what all am i writing about... but at the end of the post... am sure u will agree with my concept of talkin in detail...

i ve always lost many friends... i had tot the reason may be my disbility to match their frequency... money... prestige... n many other lame reasons... i had even started at a point to think... is there something wrong with me...

today ... i found the answer... i am that kind of a person who would never say for fun "i am urs for ever"... "i will try to the end of my life"... n when i say urs forever... it is possible to be with someone... even without having to see them even once... am sure u agree on that... i ve always done my best to make everyone around me to be happy and i ve always taken the first step to help someone with something that is within my caliber... tho i was certified a "shy and backward child" in my play school... when it comes to helping someone , i had always jumped up first... n yes i have paid for the consequences too... right from saving friends from theft... giving a ride back from his gf's place... man handling... money... and above all my best quality... sitting and talkin to my friends... i never advice anyone... i only councel... a problem = alrite these r the ways u can sort it... choose ur way... this is what i used to do... and believe me ... anyone who has listened to me has always prospered... atleast out of that particular crisis... but there is this one thing that hurts me... they always leave me ... alrite leave me no issues... but why with a stab... it hurts... really... if u r a friend who has stood by ur friend in trouble n got him/her out of it... n later if they back stab u and leave... would u b able to tolerate it... enuf... i ve taken this much thru my life... n today after my first resolution... here is my second... i am not goin to step into others shoes... i ve my own head aches to take... am sorry to say this... but i cant take anymore pain... there has never ever been anyone to support me... ever... y do u think i drink everyday... no one to talk to me... i drink n i take my problems to my head... now back to todays incidents...

those who have read my previous posts... especially the one about the marriage break up... i have vent my anger there... my inability to do nothing sitting in chennai... and i was so desperate that day... and for those of you who have accepted my thoughts there... here is a shocker for you... it shocked the shit out of me... i dont know how it is for u ...

am sure all of u would have understood how much i valued the person mentioned there... i took over 3 years for us to get close as friends... and today... within 3 seconds... all i had was a bye... for 3 damn days... this troubled lady wouldn asnwer my calls or message me... n today when i saw here on chat.. here is what happened...

biddu: care to say a hi

blue: look i dont want to talk

pls

biddu: y

jus answer me n i wont talk...

blue: my elder cousin bro saw all the msgs and we had a talk ab t this with all the elders

the msgs o forgot to delete

biddu: i reminded u manytimes to delete

blue: he thinks this is the case m not going to mumbai

sorry

bye

biddu: ok as always... for somebody elses fault i am dumped

wont disturb u any more...

take care... enjoy ur life...

hope ur ELDER BROTHERS find a way suitable for u

bye

as per ur request... i will remove ur name from my list too...

dont want that to be another problem


how much can one handle it when u get this... i have never ever expected anything from anyone... what more could be worthy than having more n more people around you who love u than those who dont understand you...

from that chat... i jus realized one thing... tho she had only me or may be a few more to dump her sorrows ... today... inspite of warning her to delete my messages... today... its her brothers who decide... then what the hell was i for... alrite love ur brother fine... listen to them.. for heavens sake.. do u people jus leave us like that... i mean her entire family knows about me... then y this trouble... does it take such trouble to open ur mouth n explain...

n for people who wonder what r those messages ... please they were jus consoling messages a friend could send... "make the right choice"... "relax n decide"... "njoy ur time at home"... "get ur anger out of ur head"... "dont worry am here always even if everyone dumps u"...

i ve always been proud that i ve never coveted another man's wife... while talkin to her... i was in fear... she was my once to marry girl... n few days she gets married.. few days she is troubled... imagine my mentality... the suffocation that i had to carry... i cannot slip even one single word that would make her insecure... with all this trauma... this is what i get... a final BYE...

people who know me... tell me... have i ever made any one insecure anytime... ever misused anyone...

how many times do people make a car spare wheel... am i worth jus that... should be always in the boot n only let into light when someone fails... i remember there is this other character who broke up with her boy friend n talks to me... once she gets back to him... no contact with me... nearly 3 times... n finally they broke up for good... n she was literally desperate for a job... got her one n sent her to bangalore... can u believe , the day she got her offer letter was the last day i heard about her... then the next was thru her colleague that she is seeing a guy there.... alrite u see anyone... cant u even call n say a thanks... y a thanks... atleast "hey am alive"...

am i that unworthy... today again... there is this school kid who was totally obsessed about sex and all i did was to guide her and try to protect her and now finally she is in college... i asked her what kind of a relationship are we having... and her reply was amazing "what relation ... no relation nothin..." what i meant was.. i wanted to hear from her is she still obsessed or in a divided mind... am i so perverted to marry someone 7 years younger to me... but with her tone of speach... i jus understood my worth... all these just wanted someone to talk on the phone... n mind you... the calls are from my side... how long have i been a fool... how many people have dumped me like am not even worth like a rotten apple...

there was another time i had the chance to compromise a young couple... tho elder to me... who were entering into divorce... after sorting it out... when they got back to gether... can u believe that i was accused of having an affair with the girl... cant she open her mouth n explain... u women crib that u r equal to man in all aspects... cant u open ur mouth when it is necessary... if u keep your mouths shut... that is when the society takes over ur reputation... like someone said... why the hell should i bother... let anyone divorce... let anyone split... let anyone do anything... am doin my stuff here after... i hope i keep up my mind...

am not writing about the guys list... thats never ending... i guess i should get rid of the women part in my life... leaving alone my mom n sis... am fed up... here come's the third resolution... "no more women contacts"... i know there r good one's too... they r ofcourse always precious to me... other than that.., am sick... am tired n i cant take it anymore...

someone tell me.. if am wrong somewhere... ha the days when marriage itself is a childs play... what the hell is a stupid friendship worth... especially when its a guy who cares about nothing but about his friend alone at that point of time...

this is surprising... i jus noticed that i am in tears... i was told that tears are very powerful... i jus hope my tears dont bring anyone any trouble... they are troubled anyway... y add more ...

see.. aint i a good friend... now that brought a smile... to all those who know me... u know i am there always... i aint God... i aint no saint... am no fairy... am no genie... am jus a mere old friend... who is available 24 X 7...

to all those lovely friends all over the world... cheers mate... missing some dear friend whom i can lean on to cry out my heart... anyway am not goin to be a baby anyway... but do u realize that even friendship can make big boys cry...

to conclude...
1st resolution... no daily drinking...
2nd resolution... not taking up others trouble...
3rd resolution... not falling again for the feminine weakness (yes u people r weak)

if any woman replies me with jus regards to my third regards ... it proves u r weak...

hope u understood...

confusion...

i tot i would be writin about one of my ex gf's... but there was another thing that has been haunting me for quite a long time....

parental care... parental affection... parental guidance...

all of us oppose the moral police n other activists... of course we have our own reason... n yes even am against them...

who would be our best guide in this material world... some one who has already been thru it... thats my belief... but when it comes to parental guidance... there is one space of mis understanding... the age difference... what we call the generation gap... tho it is somethin that people take lightly... it has its own adverse affect on life...

there r parents who r lost in their on world... havin kids jus for the heck of it... there r others who strive to have kids n take care of them till their last breath... n there is another sect... yeah we r married n we need kids... but more on the positive note... they want to give the best to their kids but cant... do u realize what that means... no parent would ever promise somethin to kids what they cant... coz that will shatter their relation... thats for those who realise what they r doin...

but the sect that i am talkin about is... they r capable but not immediately... they have to plan... or may be even go in for loans...

parental compulsion n care varies in very many a way... u a girl... u know what heppens the day u attain puberty... u a aguy ... then u know what happens the first time u get caught drunk...

loads .... loads n loads... this is a category i am talkin about which has emotions that no author nor a poet can express in a few lines... each dad n mum r different... each child is different...

lets look at the child part of it...

a child is born new... n learns everythin by watchin... hearin n so on... n there is a stage when the kid decides i should do this... which is the time that parents have a vital role to decide somethin for their offspring.... many couples defy this sayin "no my son is like this" my son should be like this" etc etc ... gone r the days when parents could determine their kids future...

the world has grown at such a pace that we ve lost track to even pay our love towards our loved ones...

now a days youngsters have gone such far that even the pre marital sex rate has gone to an age limit of 15 to 16.5...

no one can stop them... today children have developed one good quality... realize what they r living for... what the opposite sex means... what money is n so on... i was surprised to see a kid bargaining with a fruit merchant for 2 rupees... n am surprised that a cousin of mine had his first sex encounter when he was 12...

what does all this count to... who can rectify all this... not the government... not the society... not the moral police... but its within a family...

there r kids that i know personally who wanted to do some major studies but have compromised themselves only coz they dint want to disturb their family... i even have seen where siblings were distinguished...

i know its absurd for me to tell parents to do something... but i ve always been regarded as a person who is young but has the maturity n thoughts of a real man...

parents... y dont u speak n sort out things with ur children... if u feel ur kid is goin the wrong way... all u need to do is talk to him outright... y hide... this generation is somethin like even 7th standard kids know what a strawberry flavored condom is... but he doesnt know why the condom is used...

i dont know ... this is such an elaborate topic... i have lots n lots more write...

i have finally declared my self as an addict... i drink every day.... 3 pegs... i smoke everyday 10 cigarettes... but i dont do it coz i ve to do it...

i know i am not an addict.. but i do it for one thing... i am ready to compromise with cancer but not with my parents...

i ve never had any appreciation for anythin i ve done in life... but i always saw to it that my parents were never disturbed... they dont even realize the worth of my blog with over a 150 people viewing n talkin to me about it... but still i am their son n am always proud of it...

not all kids can compromise like me... n thats what worries me a lot... coz thats when they turn extremists... n thats not what the Indian culture is about...

i really wish i could do somethin more... for now i will post this entry... but am sure i will continue more on this...