Oh Fool !

Would there be any person who has not even a single soul to rely upon... One that lived a life hence would be a criminal or someone who has done something the world detests , but even Hitler has fans... I am shocked at this trivia in my life... I am losing day after day... My professional life is down the drain , my marriage is in the gutters and my last solace was family and friends , now even that has hit the shit hole... Looking back and trying to reason as to why such things are happening , i am forced to conclude that I am responsible for my own actions and that's why i am screwed up as of now... accepting that fact i have mistakes in life was easy for me , but what are the mistakes... I am still drilling my brain to single out souls whom i may have hurt but it sublimes to an extent that i can number each person that i have hurt is out of revenge... why would i avenge unless someone hurts me... i really doubt if there are relations that are meant to go with u to the grave , i am in total doubt about the basic policies this world was bound with... or , am i in the wrong place... now thats one question that pushed me back to my birth... the very fact that my life is totally empty today makes me wonder if i was destined to be born or was it some stupid sprinting sperm that caught the egg... a fact that i dont have any of the qualities from my folks... a fact that i am a rebel in most issues... but then i have had my times of glory when folks really wanted my help or atleast my presence... was it all a hoax... or am i dreaming like the matrix... is it a fuckin plug that keeps creeping up thoughts in my head... are all the praises that my colleagues gave me just an eye wash... i am so confused that i am questioning myself , did i jus fall for vanity... is life telling me that almost all souls that i ve come across are a fake... i am not a fool enough to ignore my own mistakes and push it onto someone's head... i always love to take up my goof ups , clear the air and continue in harmony... but even then , y am i in solitude... i just realized that , i was that simple little word in english , which defines the absolute failure in every day life... "A Fool"... why dint i think was always replaced by why should i think... it was this simple question over question that has brought me to a state where in i thought i was a masterpiece but in reality just a piece of shit... even the thought of trying to be sly makes me go mad , i prefer to be an old school with basic values that were built into me by forces called teachers , parents , friends and others... I prefer to whine about my own disaster out of honesty rather than filthy another persons already filthy life and wait for its consequences for which i was never destined to whine...i can always recollect pieces of my life where in i could atleast make so many people laugh out... so which is better atleast , i am just a fool ... not a cheat , not a murderer , not a womanizer , not a fraud and above all not a bastard... so my life is just goin to be a bag of bones story , with nothing interesting at all , but i am supposed to live it and i will till time permits...