to begin with ... like i ve mentioned in my other posts... i believe the best form of God given communication is with man... the ability to speak... the ability to articulate one's feelings... and i've always used it to the maximum to let the other person know what i intend in my mind... but i ve failed a many times and miserably failing even now...
today happens to be a day that i took a resolution that i would quit my daily drinking habit... that was my only leisure... my only time i could relax n think to an extent i cant even believe... please i am not an addict who has to drink to open his crativity... its jus that i have the habit of talkin within me... which those who possess would know the benefit and its innumerable abilities to carve a niche that nobody else can... for those who may take this funny... yes u can call me mad... but nobody until today even knows that i am a person who talks within... havent u heard of talkin from your soul... havent u heard of people saying... he read my thoughts... he did jus what i wanted him to do... and since i talk within me... i always talk in DETAIL when i articualte with someone... by now u would ve understood what i mean... the topic is about friendship and see what all am i writing about... but at the end of the post... am sure u will agree with my concept of talkin in detail...
i ve always lost many friends... i had tot the reason may be my disbility to match their frequency... money... prestige... n many other lame reasons... i had even started at a point to think... is there something wrong with me...
today ... i found the answer... i am that kind of a person who would never say for fun "i am urs for ever"... "i will try to the end of my life"... n when i say urs forever... it is possible to be with someone... even without having to see them even once... am sure u agree on that... i ve always done my best to make everyone around me to be happy and i ve always taken the first step to help someone with something that is within my caliber... tho i was certified a "shy and backward child" in my play school... when it comes to helping someone , i had always jumped up first... n yes i have paid for the consequences too... right from saving friends from theft... giving a ride back from his gf's place... man handling... money... and above all my best quality... sitting and talkin to my friends... i never advice anyone... i only councel... a problem = alrite these r the ways u can sort it... choose ur way... this is what i used to do... and believe me ... anyone who has listened to me has always prospered... atleast out of that particular crisis... but there is this one thing that hurts me... they always leave me ... alrite leave me no issues... but why with a stab... it hurts... really... if u r a friend who has stood by ur friend in trouble n got him/her out of it... n later if they back stab u and leave... would u b able to tolerate it... enuf... i ve taken this much thru my life... n today after my first resolution... here is my second... i am not goin to step into others shoes... i ve my own head aches to take... am sorry to say this... but i cant take anymore pain... there has never ever been anyone to support me... ever... y do u think i drink everyday... no one to talk to me... i drink n i take my problems to my head... now back to todays incidents...
those who have read my previous posts... especially the one about the marriage break up... i have vent my anger there... my inability to do nothing sitting in chennai... and i was so desperate that day... and for those of you who have accepted my thoughts there... here is a shocker for you... it shocked the shit out of me... i dont know how it is for u ...
am sure all of u would have understood how much i valued the person mentioned there... i took over 3 years for us to get close as friends... and today... within 3 seconds... all i had was a bye... for 3 damn days... this troubled lady wouldn asnwer my calls or message me... n today when i saw here on chat.. here is what happened...
biddu: care to say a hi
pls
jus answer me n i wont talk...
the msgs o forgot to delete
sorry
bye
wont disturb u any more...
take care... enjoy ur life...
hope ur ELDER BROTHERS find a way suitable for u
bye
as per ur request... i will remove ur name from my list too...
dont want that to be another problem
how much can one handle it when u get this... i have never ever expected anything from anyone... what more could be worthy than having more n more people around you who love u than those who dont understand you...
from that chat... i jus realized one thing... tho she had only me or may be a few more to dump her sorrows ... today... inspite of warning her to delete my messages... today... its her brothers who decide... then what the hell was i for... alrite love ur brother fine... listen to them.. for heavens sake.. do u people jus leave us like that... i mean her entire family knows about me... then y this trouble... does it take such trouble to open ur mouth n explain...
n for people who wonder what r those messages ... please they were jus consoling messages a friend could send... "make the right choice"... "relax n decide"... "njoy ur time at home"... "get ur anger out of ur head"... "dont worry am here always even if everyone dumps u"...
i ve always been proud that i ve never coveted another man's wife... while talkin to her... i was in fear... she was my once to marry girl... n few days she gets married.. few days she is troubled... imagine my mentality... the suffocation that i had to carry... i cannot slip even one single word that would make her insecure... with all this trauma... this is what i get... a final BYE...
people who know me... tell me... have i ever made any one insecure anytime... ever misused anyone...
how many times do people make a car spare wheel... am i worth jus that... should be always in the boot n only let into light when someone fails... i remember there is this other character who broke up with her boy friend n talks to me... once she gets back to him... no contact with me... nearly 3 times... n finally they broke up for good... n she was literally desperate for a job... got her one n sent her to bangalore... can u believe , the day she got her offer letter was the last day i heard about her... then the next was thru her colleague that she is seeing a guy there.... alrite u see anyone... cant u even call n say a thanks... y a thanks... atleast "hey am alive"...
am i that unworthy... today again... there is this school kid who was totally obsessed about sex and all i did was to guide her and try to protect her and now finally she is in college... i asked her what kind of a relationship are we having... and her reply was amazing "what relation ... no relation nothin..." what i meant was.. i wanted to hear from her is she still obsessed or in a divided mind... am i so perverted to marry someone 7 years younger to me... but with her tone of speach... i jus understood my worth... all these just wanted someone to talk on the phone... n mind you... the calls are from my side... how long have i been a fool... how many people have dumped me like am not even worth like a rotten apple...
there was another time i had the chance to compromise a young couple... tho elder to me... who were entering into divorce... after sorting it out... when they got back to gether... can u believe that i was accused of having an affair with the girl... cant she open her mouth n explain... u women crib that u r equal to man in all aspects... cant u open ur mouth when it is necessary... if u keep your mouths shut... that is when the society takes over ur reputation... like someone said... why the hell should i bother... let anyone divorce... let anyone split... let anyone do anything... am doin my stuff here after... i hope i keep up my mind...
am not writing about the guys list... thats never ending... i guess i should get rid of the women part in my life... leaving alone my mom n sis... am fed up... here come's the third resolution... "no more women contacts"... i know there r good one's too... they r ofcourse always precious to me... other than that.., am sick... am tired n i cant take it anymore...
someone tell me.. if am wrong somewhere... ha the days when marriage itself is a childs play... what the hell is a stupid friendship worth... especially when its a guy who cares about nothing but about his friend alone at that point of time...
this is surprising... i jus noticed that i am in tears... i was told that tears are very powerful... i jus hope my tears dont bring anyone any trouble... they are troubled anyway... y add more ...
see.. aint i a good friend... now that brought a smile... to all those who know me... u know i am there always... i aint God... i aint no saint... am no fairy... am no genie... am jus a mere old friend... who is available 24 X 7...
to all those lovely friends all over the world... cheers mate... missing some dear friend whom i can lean on to cry out my heart... anyway am not goin to be a baby anyway... but do u realize that even friendship can make big boys cry...
to conclude...
1st resolution... no daily drinking...
2nd resolution... not taking up others trouble...
3rd resolution... not falling again for the feminine weakness (yes u people r weak)
if any woman replies me with jus regards to my third regards ... it proves u r weak...
hope u understood...
how much can one handle it when u get this... i have never ever expected anything from anyone... what more could be worthy than having more n more people around you who love u than those who dont understand you...
from that chat... i jus realized one thing... tho she had only me or may be a few more to dump her sorrows ... today... inspite of warning her to delete my messages... today... its her brothers who decide... then what the hell was i for... alrite love ur brother fine... listen to them.. for heavens sake.. do u people jus leave us like that... i mean her entire family knows about me... then y this trouble... does it take such trouble to open ur mouth n explain...
n for people who wonder what r those messages ... please they were jus consoling messages a friend could send... "make the right choice"... "relax n decide"... "njoy ur time at home"... "get ur anger out of ur head"... "dont worry am here always even if everyone dumps u"...
i ve always been proud that i ve never coveted another man's wife... while talkin to her... i was in fear... she was my once to marry girl... n few days she gets married.. few days she is troubled... imagine my mentality... the suffocation that i had to carry... i cannot slip even one single word that would make her insecure... with all this trauma... this is what i get... a final BYE...
people who know me... tell me... have i ever made any one insecure anytime... ever misused anyone...
how many times do people make a car spare wheel... am i worth jus that... should be always in the boot n only let into light when someone fails... i remember there is this other character who broke up with her boy friend n talks to me... once she gets back to him... no contact with me... nearly 3 times... n finally they broke up for good... n she was literally desperate for a job... got her one n sent her to bangalore... can u believe , the day she got her offer letter was the last day i heard about her... then the next was thru her colleague that she is seeing a guy there.... alrite u see anyone... cant u even call n say a thanks... y a thanks... atleast "hey am alive"...
am i that unworthy... today again... there is this school kid who was totally obsessed about sex and all i did was to guide her and try to protect her and now finally she is in college... i asked her what kind of a relationship are we having... and her reply was amazing "what relation ... no relation nothin..." what i meant was.. i wanted to hear from her is she still obsessed or in a divided mind... am i so perverted to marry someone 7 years younger to me... but with her tone of speach... i jus understood my worth... all these just wanted someone to talk on the phone... n mind you... the calls are from my side... how long have i been a fool... how many people have dumped me like am not even worth like a rotten apple...
there was another time i had the chance to compromise a young couple... tho elder to me... who were entering into divorce... after sorting it out... when they got back to gether... can u believe that i was accused of having an affair with the girl... cant she open her mouth n explain... u women crib that u r equal to man in all aspects... cant u open ur mouth when it is necessary... if u keep your mouths shut... that is when the society takes over ur reputation... like someone said... why the hell should i bother... let anyone divorce... let anyone split... let anyone do anything... am doin my stuff here after... i hope i keep up my mind...
am not writing about the guys list... thats never ending... i guess i should get rid of the women part in my life... leaving alone my mom n sis... am fed up... here come's the third resolution... "no more women contacts"... i know there r good one's too... they r ofcourse always precious to me... other than that.., am sick... am tired n i cant take it anymore...
someone tell me.. if am wrong somewhere... ha the days when marriage itself is a childs play... what the hell is a stupid friendship worth... especially when its a guy who cares about nothing but about his friend alone at that point of time...
this is surprising... i jus noticed that i am in tears... i was told that tears are very powerful... i jus hope my tears dont bring anyone any trouble... they are troubled anyway... y add more ...
see.. aint i a good friend... now that brought a smile... to all those who know me... u know i am there always... i aint God... i aint no saint... am no fairy... am no genie... am jus a mere old friend... who is available 24 X 7...
to all those lovely friends all over the world... cheers mate... missing some dear friend whom i can lean on to cry out my heart... anyway am not goin to be a baby anyway... but do u realize that even friendship can make big boys cry...
to conclude...
1st resolution... no daily drinking...
2nd resolution... not taking up others trouble...
3rd resolution... not falling again for the feminine weakness (yes u people r weak)
if any woman replies me with jus regards to my third regards ... it proves u r weak...
hope u understood...
4 comments:
Bro! Read your post in detail.... Why do hav 2 worry?
Stay up proud 4 de fact that u've some very gud ppl... i know you are... still... i know how it hurts... i've seen ppl backstabbing, too... but nt much... in my opinion, bro, kets all be like a mirror when it comes to ppl: If they're gud, lets be gud, if they're bad, lets be.. Not because they're hurting us,but we should tell them how their meanness hurts, and how it might result in a big toruble 4 them later.. :)and regarding life, lets be the water droplet on the lotus leaf.. :) Staying on it, yet not sticking to it.. :) The Most fruit yielding tree gets the maximum stones pelted, but yet, it doesn complain.. :) it still gives fruits, and once its old, used as logs.. :) Lets be like that... i hope m nt advicing... but i'm just sharing wat i feel, bro.. cuz i know you... :) I was once in distress and you helped me get out of that mental turmoil.. :) I will never forget that, nor your encouragement that really drove me upto what i'm now.. :) I'm not great now, but certainly much better than wat i was before.. :) You were/are/will be my inspiration.. :)
Cheers!!
:)
P.s: Need 2 meet u, bro.. long tym.. U still havent given me your contact no, yet! :)
thanks mac for that interesting comment... true i accept almost everything u ve noted about life... sure i will meet up with u soon... am sure there will be a lot to talk about...
Its my honour, Bro! :)
da 've gone tru simlar situations... am not gonna say if u'r resolutions are rite or not... but this post made me remember many things.. i wud like many of mu "frirnds" to read this... mm..
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