A stage of realization is always preceded by a mistake...
We have all at one point or the other used the word "realize"... but i just realized that its mostly after some mistake or something that's not right. Spiritual gurus and likewise people would often use this term to let one understand and realize his true purpose in life.
If we could all realize or better said , if one could analyze and confirm that his actions are right , i am very much sure that the word "doubt" and "disbelief" would become obsolete. If we carefully notice each step that we take in life , we can classify them into voluntary and involuntary actions. Voluntary is steps that we take with our full conscience... like a simple act of ordering a favorite dish in a particular restaurant. Involuntary meaning , actions that come out of practice , or those actions that are engraved and lie dormant in our sub conscious mind. For example the immediate response of steering a car to the perfect side in case of an emergency , or something which many people are getting better at now a days , driving with one hand , cell phone on the other , and shifting the gear right across ones lap.
But at the outset , when it comes to making some decision , important decisions require more thoughts while trivial ones may not require , but still at that point of making a decision , all that we can do is just analyze and we make a probable confirmation of the out come. If at all we could pronounce that , that particular decision is the best , thats what i call a perfect realization , which am sure none can do in his plain human form. Sure there could be tricks and many are too good at guessing a probability. Am sure even the best of doctors can never give a 100 % guarantee over a similar surgery that he has been conducting over the years. No wonder medical science is totally against a 100 % guarantee... Hospitals are one place where people play God and at the same time make patients realize how much they have missed out on their Faith in God.
Many a times in life , we have all faced situations where we end up doing something that we never expected to end up in a mess... School days would definitely be an example... A simple act of throwing across a compass would end up with some one bleeding and being accused of attempted murder. An accusation which is to early for even the child to understand its depth , and by the time he knows about it , am sure he would ve realized that someone has sparked the wicked within him.
If we could run back our memories in life , we would all have incidents that we would like to sometimes even erase from our memories... and the more we try to remove it , the more we realize that its engraved within us.
True that realizing ones actions is a good exercise to steer our character to betterment , but there would be no point in realizing once its too late...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
when legends pass...
All through my life , i have heard from my friends , family and colleagues , nothing but accolades towards the malayalam film industry. True , like all other associations there are rifts going on within them now a days.
Many technicians , new comers , musicians and others have told me from the depths of their heart , how much they wish to work in at least one malayalam movie. This is one industry in India that doesnt determine the size of a movie with the budget , but the other way around.
Most brilliant music compositions in south india have originated from malayalam. Scripts that have had the audience in splits or in total tears. Movies that were taken as examples for real life experiences. Numerous thoughts for daily life. Real fans , who love their idols so much , but were never crazy enough to do stiffs just for the sake of fame.
On the whole this is one industry that has direct access to every malayalis home. But there is one draw back in this industry , unlike any other.
Each member of this industry is the real definition of the word "UNIQUE". If one star passes away , there is no replacement for him or her. You may notice how in all other languages , younger stars fight a race to reach their superstars positions , imitating their styles , there by making them no different from the other. But you can never ever see such a rift in malayalam.
Each actor totally had a self made image , and a unique style. Another advantage of malayalam actors is that , they fit into any kind of characters. It can be very well seen that , in malayalam you can see a villain doing a comedy role in another movie and later a character role in another. Such is the talent quotient of malayalam.
10 months and malayalam industry is paying a heavy toll losing 4 sons. renowned director and story writer lohithadas , actors rajan p dev , murali and now cochin haneefa. For those who have seen these actors at work , you will definitely know the core loss i am talking about. Not one of them had a similar style like the other , nor does anyone else have a style of acting like the other.
Those roles done by each actor was uniquely carved for themselves and no one can ever replicate them. With almost all senior actors bidding farewell , I pray that this industry doesnt loose its charm but breed more talents like it has always done before...
Many technicians , new comers , musicians and others have told me from the depths of their heart , how much they wish to work in at least one malayalam movie. This is one industry in India that doesnt determine the size of a movie with the budget , but the other way around.
Most brilliant music compositions in south india have originated from malayalam. Scripts that have had the audience in splits or in total tears. Movies that were taken as examples for real life experiences. Numerous thoughts for daily life. Real fans , who love their idols so much , but were never crazy enough to do stiffs just for the sake of fame.
On the whole this is one industry that has direct access to every malayalis home. But there is one draw back in this industry , unlike any other.
Each member of this industry is the real definition of the word "UNIQUE". If one star passes away , there is no replacement for him or her. You may notice how in all other languages , younger stars fight a race to reach their superstars positions , imitating their styles , there by making them no different from the other. But you can never ever see such a rift in malayalam.
Each actor totally had a self made image , and a unique style. Another advantage of malayalam actors is that , they fit into any kind of characters. It can be very well seen that , in malayalam you can see a villain doing a comedy role in another movie and later a character role in another. Such is the talent quotient of malayalam.
10 months and malayalam industry is paying a heavy toll losing 4 sons. renowned director and story writer lohithadas , actors rajan p dev , murali and now cochin haneefa. For those who have seen these actors at work , you will definitely know the core loss i am talking about. Not one of them had a similar style like the other , nor does anyone else have a style of acting like the other.
Those roles done by each actor was uniquely carved for themselves and no one can ever replicate them. With almost all senior actors bidding farewell , I pray that this industry doesnt loose its charm but breed more talents like it has always done before...
divide and rule
Divide and rule was the Britishers final approach to maintain a running government for pre independent India. The whole strategy was to prevent small power groups from joining hands with larger ones , or to break existing bigger hands to smaller ones , so that no one can break the english code of ruling India.
Well they started the policy and we chased them out standing not as just small groups of tribals or cannibals. The whole country stood together and that is when we could achieve what we call Independence today. Am sure one time or the other in our lives we would really have to thought it would have been better if the english hadn't left. Someone even would like to have hitelr to rule india for a few years. Sometimes an emergency should be declared.
We have finally become something of a situation like when a teenager is home alone for the first time. Do everything but never ever get caught , cover up everything. We know we have terror within the country. We know in broad day light who our standing enemies are. We know who is corrupt , we know each and every single soul who has driven his sword of cowardice through our hearts , yet we still protect them.
We have a population that if stood as one single army can drive away our neighboring enemies to their graves. We have the brains to take down any threatening technology , coz we would have some way or the other had our own people associated even with its making. We have the freedom to drive around the city when and how ever we like.
Yet , we still love to create havoc. True its not the common man but the politicians who initiate a partition of a state or city. The very idea of separate state or city means grabbing hold of individual powers , by which that particular state can be a threat to neighboring states too. As if our present neighboring threats arent enough.
I am pretty much sure that India has the most number of patriotism based movies made. These movies if taken on a positive note (leaving behind the humor) is a reminder for us , of how we reached our present stage of well being. Human lives have been lost for this present day. But no one would every value the number of deaths until each one loses a life.
This country has always been envied for its rich natural beauty , culture , faith and family values. God knows for how many days will all these credits last. With the senas fighting a miserable and losing battle for maharashtra , down south the telungana issue. If each state would propose to division am sure we would have to change our political map to OLD INDIA & NEW INDIA.
No matter what our chosen political clowns do , the common man is still burdened with heavily priced expenditure for daily life and no one bothers about that. All one wants is power and more power. To do what , thats the question.
Come what may , there was and always is an impression of a beautiful mother land that we were all born in and no matter what anyone tries , she will be the same in Indian minds.
Jai Hind...
Well they started the policy and we chased them out standing not as just small groups of tribals or cannibals. The whole country stood together and that is when we could achieve what we call Independence today. Am sure one time or the other in our lives we would really have to thought it would have been better if the english hadn't left. Someone even would like to have hitelr to rule india for a few years. Sometimes an emergency should be declared.
We have finally become something of a situation like when a teenager is home alone for the first time. Do everything but never ever get caught , cover up everything. We know we have terror within the country. We know in broad day light who our standing enemies are. We know who is corrupt , we know each and every single soul who has driven his sword of cowardice through our hearts , yet we still protect them.
We have a population that if stood as one single army can drive away our neighboring enemies to their graves. We have the brains to take down any threatening technology , coz we would have some way or the other had our own people associated even with its making. We have the freedom to drive around the city when and how ever we like.
Yet , we still love to create havoc. True its not the common man but the politicians who initiate a partition of a state or city. The very idea of separate state or city means grabbing hold of individual powers , by which that particular state can be a threat to neighboring states too. As if our present neighboring threats arent enough.
I am pretty much sure that India has the most number of patriotism based movies made. These movies if taken on a positive note (leaving behind the humor) is a reminder for us , of how we reached our present stage of well being. Human lives have been lost for this present day. But no one would every value the number of deaths until each one loses a life.
This country has always been envied for its rich natural beauty , culture , faith and family values. God knows for how many days will all these credits last. With the senas fighting a miserable and losing battle for maharashtra , down south the telungana issue. If each state would propose to division am sure we would have to change our political map to OLD INDIA & NEW INDIA.
No matter what our chosen political clowns do , the common man is still burdened with heavily priced expenditure for daily life and no one bothers about that. All one wants is power and more power. To do what , thats the question.
Come what may , there was and always is an impression of a beautiful mother land that we were all born in and no matter what anyone tries , she will be the same in Indian minds.
Jai Hind...
why only rahman could win ???
For the past few years , during my venture in the media field , I ve had the opportunity to meet movie personals , musicians , technicians and many other people related to the entertainment industry. Ever since A R Rahman has been making raves in India and abroad , any discussion about him with anyone would finally come to one concluding topic , how come only he could achieve so much. Hard work , dedication , creativity , passion and much more common topics. Am sure most other music directors have also had their share of struggle before making a mark in the industry. Then what is it that makes him out standing.
I would say the following. For those who have read about arr , am sure u would ve come across 3 words , in any of his description. 3 words that is very common but forgotten by most. 1.God , 2.Mother (family) 3.Humble.
I still remember ilayaraja , during his peak of glory distributing holy ash to his clients and co workers. This is where most celebrities fail. When u find ur self at the peak and declare urself as God , u just forgot that the world is not as small as u think. True raja is a legend too , but y is it that one of key board players could almost have him faded out.
Once u hit a stage in life where u think u have it all , that is a stage of saturation , u better remind urself , u ve initiated your self destruction. Great men never are contempt with what they have achieved , they r happy but they will go for more , n thats how one conquers the world. Many politicians have tried their best to spread the tamil spirit all over the world , but here is one little man , with his talent , with one single work has even hollywood fall in love for tamil compositions.
I never believe in being declared the BEST... Its always better to be in the comparative stage , than being in the superlative stage.
Arr was and is always praised for his simple method of life , his affection towards his family , his mother in particular , his faith in god and finally his humble attitude is what has determined his altitude. I was always smiling when arr said that during his first composition , he had switched off all the lights in his studio , coz he was shy. How many more people r out there in the entertainment business who can claim themselves to be a shy person after hitting the spotlight...
You may have everything , but i have mother , that itself shows the well bringing of a man. each year he visits a mosque in tamil nadu , no matter where he is , but on a particular day he arrives there. u may have talents , u may have a wonderful family , money to buy the world , but everything perishes when u lack faith.
i was also told that , he purchases simple suits from one particular shop , no matter how big an event he has to attend , but it still the same place of purchase and nothing funky or something to catch the media eye.
also comes to my mind when raja had his select few singers and no one new would ever possible be able to enter the music world in tamilnadu. if not for arr am sure most young singers today would ve perished without even a trace... am sure almost every single singer in india would today be in debt to arr one way or the other.
grow and let grow... never every try to fill urself on others labor.
here is a simple man , with simple thoughts , simple and basic values in life , conquering the world , hope his life would also be taken as an example for better living...
jay ho...
I would say the following. For those who have read about arr , am sure u would ve come across 3 words , in any of his description. 3 words that is very common but forgotten by most. 1.God , 2.Mother (family) 3.Humble.
I still remember ilayaraja , during his peak of glory distributing holy ash to his clients and co workers. This is where most celebrities fail. When u find ur self at the peak and declare urself as God , u just forgot that the world is not as small as u think. True raja is a legend too , but y is it that one of key board players could almost have him faded out.
Once u hit a stage in life where u think u have it all , that is a stage of saturation , u better remind urself , u ve initiated your self destruction. Great men never are contempt with what they have achieved , they r happy but they will go for more , n thats how one conquers the world. Many politicians have tried their best to spread the tamil spirit all over the world , but here is one little man , with his talent , with one single work has even hollywood fall in love for tamil compositions.
I never believe in being declared the BEST... Its always better to be in the comparative stage , than being in the superlative stage.
Arr was and is always praised for his simple method of life , his affection towards his family , his mother in particular , his faith in god and finally his humble attitude is what has determined his altitude. I was always smiling when arr said that during his first composition , he had switched off all the lights in his studio , coz he was shy. How many more people r out there in the entertainment business who can claim themselves to be a shy person after hitting the spotlight...
You may have everything , but i have mother , that itself shows the well bringing of a man. each year he visits a mosque in tamil nadu , no matter where he is , but on a particular day he arrives there. u may have talents , u may have a wonderful family , money to buy the world , but everything perishes when u lack faith.
i was also told that , he purchases simple suits from one particular shop , no matter how big an event he has to attend , but it still the same place of purchase and nothing funky or something to catch the media eye.
also comes to my mind when raja had his select few singers and no one new would ever possible be able to enter the music world in tamilnadu. if not for arr am sure most young singers today would ve perished without even a trace... am sure almost every single singer in india would today be in debt to arr one way or the other.
grow and let grow... never every try to fill urself on others labor.
here is a simple man , with simple thoughts , simple and basic values in life , conquering the world , hope his life would also be taken as an example for better living...
jay ho...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
UDDER confusion...
sometimes... looking at life from a normal prospective... ie , jus observing things happening around u ... i am really at dismay... life has taken such a curve that , the only seriousness that man tries to fight for is his financial status... i always believed money was a part of life... a commodity to live life... and not life itself...
the past 2 months have been very vivid , that i can declare that money even can buy out ur faith... a few examples from my own life... a few which i see my friends facing... i dont know where tomorrows generation would end... am sure final rules of survival would be... paisa hai tho , sabhi hai... (panam illa'na pinam) ... in my personal opinion , n especially since i had a chance to survey the hotel indutsry , i could very well tell that the recession did not yet take the life of indian economics , but with so many eye wash preliminary steps that many IT organisations , and insurance sectors had taken... i was shocked to see people run around , in total chaos...
its still a mystery to me , when i see well earning private airline pilots and other staffs , fall prey to this economic crisis , just out of no where... until few weeks before , i see them all smiles , ofcourse their added head weight , but it was fun... but then all of a sudden i see them sitting at home... twitching their palms... and a very common statement made by all "how am i going to pay up for this that and that"... so the entire world is now running on credit , i accept ... but remember the days , our ancestors who always had something called as a "SAVING"... come what may... cyclone... famine... earth quake... there was always something in stock to carry on...
our lives have come to such an instance , that people today depend , believe and rely only one source... there is no question of back up plans... nothing to be porepared for... when things happen... it happens , and at that point of time... we run around like kids searching for their parents... i am one big ass example for this... all thru my life... i ve never ever tot about any savings in my life... it was not that i never wanted to... but i never realised its necessary until now... u have no idea what it feels like when u have not a single rupee to take out of ur wallet... or now a days literally no wallet at all... and the dire feeling of really waiting for ur final call ... either to heaven or hell... and thats on mystery which really shrouded many faiths... but now people r ready for anything tomorrow... we are still in a trance to believe our earthly gifts that we see with our own eyes... who cares whats in heaven or earth... believe me if people knew what these two were... am sure we would make advance reservations for suite rooms... good food... and other likings...
so money it is , which is the final winner... the song "the winner takes it all" by ABBA... tho years ago , i still have it in every form i can listen to... right from my child hood days , be it the home sound systems , the walkman , the talkboys , the disc man , now the ipods... i have it always with me... y even in my cell phone... it really has meaning for what life was during the 80's and what it is today... well if god sent the holy ghost so that he is there with every man , am sure its the devil who sent out money , coz am sure there would be atelast a 10 paise with almost every one...
why does god make his helper invisible... it puts us in such a notion that , we may end up even saying we escaped death or some other trauma by "LUCK"... ofcourse there is something called as luck , else what would u attribute your enemy's victory with... many a times i did feel gods presence in my life... but with things totaling up , it really pushes my brain to think , it may be mere coincidence or fate , or luck... and thats when people tell me its ur faith that decides , what kind of power was at work on u...
if only people could see gods works with their own eyes... imagine what it would be like... why should things be such a big mystery... it really plunges many into darkness... many are lead astray...
anything around is , we know it has money in it... right from the walls our very home , to every step we take... its covered with money of some kind... people say , if u want to really know the taste of money , u should literally yearn for it... well a pauper would definitely know how much money is a missing in his life... but once he starts regaining... that is a point when the mind has to realize... is it money , the sole purpose he is going to live life... or does he still have the conscience to say , "money is still , just a part of life"... trust me ... many who have come from the trenches , know how to place money in their lives... , another sect which tastes money within a quick span , mostly has no idea how to manage themselves... another sect who have fallen from the top and slowly regaining... is one confused lot... where they place money , is what is going to decide their future... all these types , totally decide only one thing , ur financial status in life...
but ask me... i would still say one thing ... the taste of food , fed by ones own mother... the warm and preventive scoldings from a father... a sweet embrace from ur siblings... a true smile from anyone u meet during the day... is no where close even the worth of money multiplied with the number of years man has ever existed on this earth...
a comeback in life is always possible... but i am sure i will always be the brat i ve been to my parents , my friends , n to all who know me... coz that makes them happy , which requires no financial planing... its just merely priceless...
the reason i wrote this post is... make sure u place ur instincts right... crores u may earn... but nothing more like a lovely set of people around u , who love to be with u ...
this is me , i declare money is still "JUST" a commodity of life , and not life itself...
WHAT ABOUT U ???
the past 2 months have been very vivid , that i can declare that money even can buy out ur faith... a few examples from my own life... a few which i see my friends facing... i dont know where tomorrows generation would end... am sure final rules of survival would be... paisa hai tho , sabhi hai... (panam illa'na pinam) ... in my personal opinion , n especially since i had a chance to survey the hotel indutsry , i could very well tell that the recession did not yet take the life of indian economics , but with so many eye wash preliminary steps that many IT organisations , and insurance sectors had taken... i was shocked to see people run around , in total chaos...
its still a mystery to me , when i see well earning private airline pilots and other staffs , fall prey to this economic crisis , just out of no where... until few weeks before , i see them all smiles , ofcourse their added head weight , but it was fun... but then all of a sudden i see them sitting at home... twitching their palms... and a very common statement made by all "how am i going to pay up for this that and that"... so the entire world is now running on credit , i accept ... but remember the days , our ancestors who always had something called as a "SAVING"... come what may... cyclone... famine... earth quake... there was always something in stock to carry on...
our lives have come to such an instance , that people today depend , believe and rely only one source... there is no question of back up plans... nothing to be porepared for... when things happen... it happens , and at that point of time... we run around like kids searching for their parents... i am one big ass example for this... all thru my life... i ve never ever tot about any savings in my life... it was not that i never wanted to... but i never realised its necessary until now... u have no idea what it feels like when u have not a single rupee to take out of ur wallet... or now a days literally no wallet at all... and the dire feeling of really waiting for ur final call ... either to heaven or hell... and thats on mystery which really shrouded many faiths... but now people r ready for anything tomorrow... we are still in a trance to believe our earthly gifts that we see with our own eyes... who cares whats in heaven or earth... believe me if people knew what these two were... am sure we would make advance reservations for suite rooms... good food... and other likings...
so money it is , which is the final winner... the song "the winner takes it all" by ABBA... tho years ago , i still have it in every form i can listen to... right from my child hood days , be it the home sound systems , the walkman , the talkboys , the disc man , now the ipods... i have it always with me... y even in my cell phone... it really has meaning for what life was during the 80's and what it is today... well if god sent the holy ghost so that he is there with every man , am sure its the devil who sent out money , coz am sure there would be atelast a 10 paise with almost every one...
why does god make his helper invisible... it puts us in such a notion that , we may end up even saying we escaped death or some other trauma by "LUCK"... ofcourse there is something called as luck , else what would u attribute your enemy's victory with... many a times i did feel gods presence in my life... but with things totaling up , it really pushes my brain to think , it may be mere coincidence or fate , or luck... and thats when people tell me its ur faith that decides , what kind of power was at work on u...
if only people could see gods works with their own eyes... imagine what it would be like... why should things be such a big mystery... it really plunges many into darkness... many are lead astray...
anything around is , we know it has money in it... right from the walls our very home , to every step we take... its covered with money of some kind... people say , if u want to really know the taste of money , u should literally yearn for it... well a pauper would definitely know how much money is a missing in his life... but once he starts regaining... that is a point when the mind has to realize... is it money , the sole purpose he is going to live life... or does he still have the conscience to say , "money is still , just a part of life"... trust me ... many who have come from the trenches , know how to place money in their lives... , another sect which tastes money within a quick span , mostly has no idea how to manage themselves... another sect who have fallen from the top and slowly regaining... is one confused lot... where they place money , is what is going to decide their future... all these types , totally decide only one thing , ur financial status in life...
but ask me... i would still say one thing ... the taste of food , fed by ones own mother... the warm and preventive scoldings from a father... a sweet embrace from ur siblings... a true smile from anyone u meet during the day... is no where close even the worth of money multiplied with the number of years man has ever existed on this earth...
a comeback in life is always possible... but i am sure i will always be the brat i ve been to my parents , my friends , n to all who know me... coz that makes them happy , which requires no financial planing... its just merely priceless...
the reason i wrote this post is... make sure u place ur instincts right... crores u may earn... but nothing more like a lovely set of people around u , who love to be with u ...
this is me , i declare money is still "JUST" a commodity of life , and not life itself...
WHAT ABOUT U ???
Monday, April 13, 2009
FRIENDSHIP
I thought love was something that is a complex mix of emotions and reactions... But I jus realized that all thru my life i ve been finding another relationship really really difficult...
to begin with ... like i ve mentioned in my other posts... i believe the best form of God given communication is with man... the ability to speak... the ability to articulate one's feelings... and i've always used it to the maximum to let the other person know what i intend in my mind... but i ve failed a many times and miserably failing even now...
today happens to be a day that i took a resolution that i would quit my daily drinking habit... that was my only leisure... my only time i could relax n think to an extent i cant even believe... please i am not an addict who has to drink to open his crativity... its jus that i have the habit of talkin within me... which those who possess would know the benefit and its innumerable abilities to carve a niche that nobody else can... for those who may take this funny... yes u can call me mad... but nobody until today even knows that i am a person who talks within... havent u heard of talkin from your soul... havent u heard of people saying... he read my thoughts... he did jus what i wanted him to do... and since i talk within me... i always talk in DETAIL when i articualte with someone... by now u would ve understood what i mean... the topic is about friendship and see what all am i writing about... but at the end of the post... am sure u will agree with my concept of talkin in detail...
i ve always lost many friends... i had tot the reason may be my disbility to match their frequency... money... prestige... n many other lame reasons... i had even started at a point to think... is there something wrong with me...
today ... i found the answer... i am that kind of a person who would never say for fun "i am urs for ever"... "i will try to the end of my life"... n when i say urs forever... it is possible to be with someone... even without having to see them even once... am sure u agree on that... i ve always done my best to make everyone around me to be happy and i ve always taken the first step to help someone with something that is within my caliber... tho i was certified a "shy and backward child" in my play school... when it comes to helping someone , i had always jumped up first... n yes i have paid for the consequences too... right from saving friends from theft... giving a ride back from his gf's place... man handling... money... and above all my best quality... sitting and talkin to my friends... i never advice anyone... i only councel... a problem = alrite these r the ways u can sort it... choose ur way... this is what i used to do... and believe me ... anyone who has listened to me has always prospered... atleast out of that particular crisis... but there is this one thing that hurts me... they always leave me ... alrite leave me no issues... but why with a stab... it hurts... really... if u r a friend who has stood by ur friend in trouble n got him/her out of it... n later if they back stab u and leave... would u b able to tolerate it... enuf... i ve taken this much thru my life... n today after my first resolution... here is my second... i am not goin to step into others shoes... i ve my own head aches to take... am sorry to say this... but i cant take anymore pain... there has never ever been anyone to support me... ever... y do u think i drink everyday... no one to talk to me... i drink n i take my problems to my head... now back to todays incidents...
those who have read my previous posts... especially the one about the marriage break up... i have vent my anger there... my inability to do nothing sitting in chennai... and i was so desperate that day... and for those of you who have accepted my thoughts there... here is a shocker for you... it shocked the shit out of me... i dont know how it is for u ...
am sure all of u would have understood how much i valued the person mentioned there... i took over 3 years for us to get close as friends... and today... within 3 seconds... all i had was a bye... for 3 damn days... this troubled lady wouldn asnwer my calls or message me... n today when i saw here on chat.. here is what happened...
blue: look i dont want to talk biddu: y blue: my elder cousin bro saw all the msgs and we had a talk ab t this with all the elders biddu: i reminded u manytimes to delete
blue: he thinks this is the case m not going to mumbai biddu: ok as always... for somebody elses fault i am dumped
to begin with ... like i ve mentioned in my other posts... i believe the best form of God given communication is with man... the ability to speak... the ability to articulate one's feelings... and i've always used it to the maximum to let the other person know what i intend in my mind... but i ve failed a many times and miserably failing even now...
today happens to be a day that i took a resolution that i would quit my daily drinking habit... that was my only leisure... my only time i could relax n think to an extent i cant even believe... please i am not an addict who has to drink to open his crativity... its jus that i have the habit of talkin within me... which those who possess would know the benefit and its innumerable abilities to carve a niche that nobody else can... for those who may take this funny... yes u can call me mad... but nobody until today even knows that i am a person who talks within... havent u heard of talkin from your soul... havent u heard of people saying... he read my thoughts... he did jus what i wanted him to do... and since i talk within me... i always talk in DETAIL when i articualte with someone... by now u would ve understood what i mean... the topic is about friendship and see what all am i writing about... but at the end of the post... am sure u will agree with my concept of talkin in detail...
i ve always lost many friends... i had tot the reason may be my disbility to match their frequency... money... prestige... n many other lame reasons... i had even started at a point to think... is there something wrong with me...
today ... i found the answer... i am that kind of a person who would never say for fun "i am urs for ever"... "i will try to the end of my life"... n when i say urs forever... it is possible to be with someone... even without having to see them even once... am sure u agree on that... i ve always done my best to make everyone around me to be happy and i ve always taken the first step to help someone with something that is within my caliber... tho i was certified a "shy and backward child" in my play school... when it comes to helping someone , i had always jumped up first... n yes i have paid for the consequences too... right from saving friends from theft... giving a ride back from his gf's place... man handling... money... and above all my best quality... sitting and talkin to my friends... i never advice anyone... i only councel... a problem = alrite these r the ways u can sort it... choose ur way... this is what i used to do... and believe me ... anyone who has listened to me has always prospered... atleast out of that particular crisis... but there is this one thing that hurts me... they always leave me ... alrite leave me no issues... but why with a stab... it hurts... really... if u r a friend who has stood by ur friend in trouble n got him/her out of it... n later if they back stab u and leave... would u b able to tolerate it... enuf... i ve taken this much thru my life... n today after my first resolution... here is my second... i am not goin to step into others shoes... i ve my own head aches to take... am sorry to say this... but i cant take anymore pain... there has never ever been anyone to support me... ever... y do u think i drink everyday... no one to talk to me... i drink n i take my problems to my head... now back to todays incidents...
those who have read my previous posts... especially the one about the marriage break up... i have vent my anger there... my inability to do nothing sitting in chennai... and i was so desperate that day... and for those of you who have accepted my thoughts there... here is a shocker for you... it shocked the shit out of me... i dont know how it is for u ...
am sure all of u would have understood how much i valued the person mentioned there... i took over 3 years for us to get close as friends... and today... within 3 seconds... all i had was a bye... for 3 damn days... this troubled lady wouldn asnwer my calls or message me... n today when i saw here on chat.. here is what happened...
biddu: care to say a hi
pls
jus answer me n i wont talk...
the msgs o forgot to delete
sorry
bye
wont disturb u any more...
take care... enjoy ur life...
hope ur ELDER BROTHERS find a way suitable for u
bye
as per ur request... i will remove ur name from my list too...
dont want that to be another problem
how much can one handle it when u get this... i have never ever expected anything from anyone... what more could be worthy than having more n more people around you who love u than those who dont understand you...
from that chat... i jus realized one thing... tho she had only me or may be a few more to dump her sorrows ... today... inspite of warning her to delete my messages... today... its her brothers who decide... then what the hell was i for... alrite love ur brother fine... listen to them.. for heavens sake.. do u people jus leave us like that... i mean her entire family knows about me... then y this trouble... does it take such trouble to open ur mouth n explain...
n for people who wonder what r those messages ... please they were jus consoling messages a friend could send... "make the right choice"... "relax n decide"... "njoy ur time at home"... "get ur anger out of ur head"... "dont worry am here always even if everyone dumps u"...
i ve always been proud that i ve never coveted another man's wife... while talkin to her... i was in fear... she was my once to marry girl... n few days she gets married.. few days she is troubled... imagine my mentality... the suffocation that i had to carry... i cannot slip even one single word that would make her insecure... with all this trauma... this is what i get... a final BYE...
people who know me... tell me... have i ever made any one insecure anytime... ever misused anyone...
how many times do people make a car spare wheel... am i worth jus that... should be always in the boot n only let into light when someone fails... i remember there is this other character who broke up with her boy friend n talks to me... once she gets back to him... no contact with me... nearly 3 times... n finally they broke up for good... n she was literally desperate for a job... got her one n sent her to bangalore... can u believe , the day she got her offer letter was the last day i heard about her... then the next was thru her colleague that she is seeing a guy there.... alrite u see anyone... cant u even call n say a thanks... y a thanks... atleast "hey am alive"...
am i that unworthy... today again... there is this school kid who was totally obsessed about sex and all i did was to guide her and try to protect her and now finally she is in college... i asked her what kind of a relationship are we having... and her reply was amazing "what relation ... no relation nothin..." what i meant was.. i wanted to hear from her is she still obsessed or in a divided mind... am i so perverted to marry someone 7 years younger to me... but with her tone of speach... i jus understood my worth... all these just wanted someone to talk on the phone... n mind you... the calls are from my side... how long have i been a fool... how many people have dumped me like am not even worth like a rotten apple...
there was another time i had the chance to compromise a young couple... tho elder to me... who were entering into divorce... after sorting it out... when they got back to gether... can u believe that i was accused of having an affair with the girl... cant she open her mouth n explain... u women crib that u r equal to man in all aspects... cant u open ur mouth when it is necessary... if u keep your mouths shut... that is when the society takes over ur reputation... like someone said... why the hell should i bother... let anyone divorce... let anyone split... let anyone do anything... am doin my stuff here after... i hope i keep up my mind...
am not writing about the guys list... thats never ending... i guess i should get rid of the women part in my life... leaving alone my mom n sis... am fed up... here come's the third resolution... "no more women contacts"... i know there r good one's too... they r ofcourse always precious to me... other than that.., am sick... am tired n i cant take it anymore...
someone tell me.. if am wrong somewhere... ha the days when marriage itself is a childs play... what the hell is a stupid friendship worth... especially when its a guy who cares about nothing but about his friend alone at that point of time...
this is surprising... i jus noticed that i am in tears... i was told that tears are very powerful... i jus hope my tears dont bring anyone any trouble... they are troubled anyway... y add more ...
see.. aint i a good friend... now that brought a smile... to all those who know me... u know i am there always... i aint God... i aint no saint... am no fairy... am no genie... am jus a mere old friend... who is available 24 X 7...
to all those lovely friends all over the world... cheers mate... missing some dear friend whom i can lean on to cry out my heart... anyway am not goin to be a baby anyway... but do u realize that even friendship can make big boys cry...
to conclude...
1st resolution... no daily drinking...
2nd resolution... not taking up others trouble...
3rd resolution... not falling again for the feminine weakness (yes u people r weak)
if any woman replies me with jus regards to my third regards ... it proves u r weak...
hope u understood...
how much can one handle it when u get this... i have never ever expected anything from anyone... what more could be worthy than having more n more people around you who love u than those who dont understand you...
from that chat... i jus realized one thing... tho she had only me or may be a few more to dump her sorrows ... today... inspite of warning her to delete my messages... today... its her brothers who decide... then what the hell was i for... alrite love ur brother fine... listen to them.. for heavens sake.. do u people jus leave us like that... i mean her entire family knows about me... then y this trouble... does it take such trouble to open ur mouth n explain...
n for people who wonder what r those messages ... please they were jus consoling messages a friend could send... "make the right choice"... "relax n decide"... "njoy ur time at home"... "get ur anger out of ur head"... "dont worry am here always even if everyone dumps u"...
i ve always been proud that i ve never coveted another man's wife... while talkin to her... i was in fear... she was my once to marry girl... n few days she gets married.. few days she is troubled... imagine my mentality... the suffocation that i had to carry... i cannot slip even one single word that would make her insecure... with all this trauma... this is what i get... a final BYE...
people who know me... tell me... have i ever made any one insecure anytime... ever misused anyone...
how many times do people make a car spare wheel... am i worth jus that... should be always in the boot n only let into light when someone fails... i remember there is this other character who broke up with her boy friend n talks to me... once she gets back to him... no contact with me... nearly 3 times... n finally they broke up for good... n she was literally desperate for a job... got her one n sent her to bangalore... can u believe , the day she got her offer letter was the last day i heard about her... then the next was thru her colleague that she is seeing a guy there.... alrite u see anyone... cant u even call n say a thanks... y a thanks... atleast "hey am alive"...
am i that unworthy... today again... there is this school kid who was totally obsessed about sex and all i did was to guide her and try to protect her and now finally she is in college... i asked her what kind of a relationship are we having... and her reply was amazing "what relation ... no relation nothin..." what i meant was.. i wanted to hear from her is she still obsessed or in a divided mind... am i so perverted to marry someone 7 years younger to me... but with her tone of speach... i jus understood my worth... all these just wanted someone to talk on the phone... n mind you... the calls are from my side... how long have i been a fool... how many people have dumped me like am not even worth like a rotten apple...
there was another time i had the chance to compromise a young couple... tho elder to me... who were entering into divorce... after sorting it out... when they got back to gether... can u believe that i was accused of having an affair with the girl... cant she open her mouth n explain... u women crib that u r equal to man in all aspects... cant u open ur mouth when it is necessary... if u keep your mouths shut... that is when the society takes over ur reputation... like someone said... why the hell should i bother... let anyone divorce... let anyone split... let anyone do anything... am doin my stuff here after... i hope i keep up my mind...
am not writing about the guys list... thats never ending... i guess i should get rid of the women part in my life... leaving alone my mom n sis... am fed up... here come's the third resolution... "no more women contacts"... i know there r good one's too... they r ofcourse always precious to me... other than that.., am sick... am tired n i cant take it anymore...
someone tell me.. if am wrong somewhere... ha the days when marriage itself is a childs play... what the hell is a stupid friendship worth... especially when its a guy who cares about nothing but about his friend alone at that point of time...
this is surprising... i jus noticed that i am in tears... i was told that tears are very powerful... i jus hope my tears dont bring anyone any trouble... they are troubled anyway... y add more ...
see.. aint i a good friend... now that brought a smile... to all those who know me... u know i am there always... i aint God... i aint no saint... am no fairy... am no genie... am jus a mere old friend... who is available 24 X 7...
to all those lovely friends all over the world... cheers mate... missing some dear friend whom i can lean on to cry out my heart... anyway am not goin to be a baby anyway... but do u realize that even friendship can make big boys cry...
to conclude...
1st resolution... no daily drinking...
2nd resolution... not taking up others trouble...
3rd resolution... not falling again for the feminine weakness (yes u people r weak)
if any woman replies me with jus regards to my third regards ... it proves u r weak...
hope u understood...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
confusion...
i tot i would be writin about one of my ex gf's... but there was another thing that has been haunting me for quite a long time....
parental care... parental affection... parental guidance...
all of us oppose the moral police n other activists... of course we have our own reason... n yes even am against them...
who would be our best guide in this material world... some one who has already been thru it... thats my belief... but when it comes to parental guidance... there is one space of mis understanding... the age difference... what we call the generation gap... tho it is somethin that people take lightly... it has its own adverse affect on life...
there r parents who r lost in their on world... havin kids jus for the heck of it... there r others who strive to have kids n take care of them till their last breath... n there is another sect... yeah we r married n we need kids... but more on the positive note... they want to give the best to their kids but cant... do u realize what that means... no parent would ever promise somethin to kids what they cant... coz that will shatter their relation... thats for those who realise what they r doin...
but the sect that i am talkin about is... they r capable but not immediately... they have to plan... or may be even go in for loans...
parental compulsion n care varies in very many a way... u a girl... u know what heppens the day u attain puberty... u a aguy ... then u know what happens the first time u get caught drunk...
loads .... loads n loads... this is a category i am talkin about which has emotions that no author nor a poet can express in a few lines... each dad n mum r different... each child is different...
lets look at the child part of it...
a child is born new... n learns everythin by watchin... hearin n so on... n there is a stage when the kid decides i should do this... which is the time that parents have a vital role to decide somethin for their offspring.... many couples defy this sayin "no my son is like this" my son should be like this" etc etc ... gone r the days when parents could determine their kids future...
the world has grown at such a pace that we ve lost track to even pay our love towards our loved ones...
now a days youngsters have gone such far that even the pre marital sex rate has gone to an age limit of 15 to 16.5...
no one can stop them... today children have developed one good quality... realize what they r living for... what the opposite sex means... what money is n so on... i was surprised to see a kid bargaining with a fruit merchant for 2 rupees... n am surprised that a cousin of mine had his first sex encounter when he was 12...
what does all this count to... who can rectify all this... not the government... not the society... not the moral police... but its within a family...
there r kids that i know personally who wanted to do some major studies but have compromised themselves only coz they dint want to disturb their family... i even have seen where siblings were distinguished...
i know its absurd for me to tell parents to do something... but i ve always been regarded as a person who is young but has the maturity n thoughts of a real man...
parents... y dont u speak n sort out things with ur children... if u feel ur kid is goin the wrong way... all u need to do is talk to him outright... y hide... this generation is somethin like even 7th standard kids know what a strawberry flavored condom is... but he doesnt know why the condom is used...
i dont know ... this is such an elaborate topic... i have lots n lots more write...
i have finally declared my self as an addict... i drink every day.... 3 pegs... i smoke everyday 10 cigarettes... but i dont do it coz i ve to do it...
i know i am not an addict.. but i do it for one thing... i am ready to compromise with cancer but not with my parents...
i ve never had any appreciation for anythin i ve done in life... but i always saw to it that my parents were never disturbed... they dont even realize the worth of my blog with over a 150 people viewing n talkin to me about it... but still i am their son n am always proud of it...
not all kids can compromise like me... n thats what worries me a lot... coz thats when they turn extremists... n thats not what the Indian culture is about...
i really wish i could do somethin more... for now i will post this entry... but am sure i will continue more on this...
parental care... parental affection... parental guidance...
all of us oppose the moral police n other activists... of course we have our own reason... n yes even am against them...
who would be our best guide in this material world... some one who has already been thru it... thats my belief... but when it comes to parental guidance... there is one space of mis understanding... the age difference... what we call the generation gap... tho it is somethin that people take lightly... it has its own adverse affect on life...
there r parents who r lost in their on world... havin kids jus for the heck of it... there r others who strive to have kids n take care of them till their last breath... n there is another sect... yeah we r married n we need kids... but more on the positive note... they want to give the best to their kids but cant... do u realize what that means... no parent would ever promise somethin to kids what they cant... coz that will shatter their relation... thats for those who realise what they r doin...
but the sect that i am talkin about is... they r capable but not immediately... they have to plan... or may be even go in for loans...
parental compulsion n care varies in very many a way... u a girl... u know what heppens the day u attain puberty... u a aguy ... then u know what happens the first time u get caught drunk...
loads .... loads n loads... this is a category i am talkin about which has emotions that no author nor a poet can express in a few lines... each dad n mum r different... each child is different...
lets look at the child part of it...
a child is born new... n learns everythin by watchin... hearin n so on... n there is a stage when the kid decides i should do this... which is the time that parents have a vital role to decide somethin for their offspring.... many couples defy this sayin "no my son is like this" my son should be like this" etc etc ... gone r the days when parents could determine their kids future...
the world has grown at such a pace that we ve lost track to even pay our love towards our loved ones...
now a days youngsters have gone such far that even the pre marital sex rate has gone to an age limit of 15 to 16.5...
no one can stop them... today children have developed one good quality... realize what they r living for... what the opposite sex means... what money is n so on... i was surprised to see a kid bargaining with a fruit merchant for 2 rupees... n am surprised that a cousin of mine had his first sex encounter when he was 12...
what does all this count to... who can rectify all this... not the government... not the society... not the moral police... but its within a family...
there r kids that i know personally who wanted to do some major studies but have compromised themselves only coz they dint want to disturb their family... i even have seen where siblings were distinguished...
i know its absurd for me to tell parents to do something... but i ve always been regarded as a person who is young but has the maturity n thoughts of a real man...
parents... y dont u speak n sort out things with ur children... if u feel ur kid is goin the wrong way... all u need to do is talk to him outright... y hide... this generation is somethin like even 7th standard kids know what a strawberry flavored condom is... but he doesnt know why the condom is used...
i dont know ... this is such an elaborate topic... i have lots n lots more write...
i have finally declared my self as an addict... i drink every day.... 3 pegs... i smoke everyday 10 cigarettes... but i dont do it coz i ve to do it...
i know i am not an addict.. but i do it for one thing... i am ready to compromise with cancer but not with my parents...
i ve never had any appreciation for anythin i ve done in life... but i always saw to it that my parents were never disturbed... they dont even realize the worth of my blog with over a 150 people viewing n talkin to me about it... but still i am their son n am always proud of it...
not all kids can compromise like me... n thats what worries me a lot... coz thats when they turn extremists... n thats not what the Indian culture is about...
i really wish i could do somethin more... for now i will post this entry... but am sure i will continue more on this...
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