Where am I headed ???

On the way to work today morning , scenes of my days in bangalore flashed across my mind. It was just out of no where... maybe it has a connection as bangalore was my first work place away from home and i feel almost the same... Bangalore was my time of glory and at the same time the absolute hour of misery... visiting bangalore after a long time , that too alone was indeed a little chilly feeling for me as i ve never stayed away from home alone... somehow i was there and professional life (work , alcohol, smokes & a terrible choice of girlfriend) was all good... in fact i enjoyed every moment working in that organization , exposing the nascent peaks of my ability... just as things were settling in , i ended up in what i called the most shameful episode of life... thanks to my alcohol affinity , i coped up... when i say i coped up , i jus ignored the shit i was in and staggered forward... my period of glory was totally shrouded with one grave mistake i made and i had no choice but to turn a blind eye on it... I can still remember my life style there , being the only employee in my team with an individual house .... parties were innumerable... this house indeed requires a description... during monsoon times , u need to cross three rivers (water overflowing from nearby canals) , no tar roads , surrounded by vacant plots yet to be occupied but covered with green... the only house i every stayed without an air conditioner... never needed one... this is where i panicked while sleeping , the shadows of my jerkin gave me jitters as tho there was someone else at home... even if needed to buy a pack of smokes i have to use my vehicle... most of my shopping is done on the way back from work... daily shopping includes food , liquor , smokes and some chocolates... i learned meager kannada for my survival , ondhu (one) , eradu (two) and kodi (give)... i lived with these few words , all needed to get what u want... two mallu restaurants , iyer brothers and another christian restaurant catered to all my food supplies and drinking companies... there was one liquor shop towards the entrance of my colony , the owner and employees who finally turn out to be my local protection... The beginning of every month would see me buying 1 liter bottles of Royal Challenge (my then favorite drink) , Bacardi (still favorite) or Smirnoff (once in a while)... after 10 days , it would become half bottles , towards the 3rd week its beer and the last week is always credible accounting... sometimes crazy enough to call up restaurants and order bottles of wine along for delivery... my office buddies use to frequent my home for a night out or sometimes groups would land up for a weekend fun... my strict order of no other disease other than liquor and smokes was appreciating i guess as the crowds started growing and for diwali i had over 25 - 30 people blowing up my home... well , this was my time of glory , at a young age of 22... Living a happy and carefree life , I guess i invited too much of whatever forces that would lead to one's downfall... i was too hot headed at work (y wouldnt i , i was the number 1 performer) and slammed my resignation and walked out... it dint take me too long to realize that , "THIS" was going to be the pivot of my life and was the greatest mistake that I would ever record in life... from a world number one company , i ended up in one of the lousiest organizations (claims to be the 1st in somethings tho)...i ended shacking up as a paying guest... i was happy about it tho , coz there would always be someone around rather than being lonely... the worst was yet to come , the other PG's were distilleries when it comes to drinking... and i was in a wreck already... hence forth my daily agenda was provided by the devil himself... day after day of misery... 90 % of my pain was hidden from home , all i said was am not happy with my new job... the number of made up stories to prevent my folks from visiting me would ve got me an oscar...the stupid company had some issues with my bank account and i was penny less for close to 3 months... if i made one gesture to ask money from home , i would ve got back luxury , but then i would be pulled back from my darling bangalore to singara chennai... anyway , finally it ended up that i couldn pay my rents , i sold almost 6 mobile phones , ended up drinking old monk rum which was 30rs a quarter , smoked a filter less cigarette which invoked my smokers cough , evident even till date... a bunch of drunken bachelors under one roof... u can imagine the perilous life of poor neighbors... one night some of my neighbors rushed in with sticks and knives , beat up most of the guys for peeking into their house... well i was spared as i maintained a decent relation with almost every house in that street and i had some people vouch for me... the house was like a war zone with almost every single furniture and show cases damaged... the next day police officers had come in to investigate , the entire neighborhood pointed fingers at every single guy and believe me , i was the only one spared... in fact one of the neighbor's asked me to move into their house instead of staying here... this moment , is one moment i realized that , i should thank heaven for making me broke and half dead... if not , i would ve been the first one to be jumping for everything ... it was this emotional breakdown period that silenced me... tho i always take caution while partying , this period would ve been worse if i was in times of high spirit... one of my neighbors had a son totally an addict and often i ve heard screams and violent noises... the parents are elderly and the son was about 30+... the father used to talk to me often when i cross their house and he used to literally shed tears talking about his son... i can still remember him narrating how his son would threaten him to go buy a bottle of vodka or would attack his mom... once this father rushed up to me and asked me the name of a cigarette brand , i told him i dint know that he smoked... he replied that he never did , he was buying it for his son... i really felt like kicking that son of a b****... one sunday while i was lazing at home , the father ran inside the house and asked my fellow paying guests for me... i came down and i saw him crying madly and said his son is threatening to kill him and his wife... i rushed along with him and saw his son standing in the street with a knife and verbally abusing his mom... well , what should i do now... an addict with a knife , totally intoxicated... i have no idea , i rushed forward and grabbed his knife held hand , luckily 2 more on lookers rushed in and we pinned him to the floor... removed the knife from him , as he got up he abused his mother again in full public view , i don't know y and from where i got this thought , there was a cricket bat lying nearby , i started thrashing this guy with all my might and more people joined him... the mother rushed in and gave her piece of beating , i could see her agony in the way she cursed the guy... finally pulled out the car , took him straight to a rehabilitation center... this period of desolation will further be remembered by me for one major accident... an accident that was waiting to happen... an accident that shattered my belief... normally during parties , i make it point to drive by myself rather than letting someone else do it... but , this time it was another friend's car and he crashed vehemently onto an on coming vehicle at a speed of over 120 km/hr... the shattering experience of the windshield crystals spray across my face still gives me goose bumps... the radiator burst and there is no way of escape... first confrontation with bangalore cops... and believe me , they are not ones you wanna talk to especially after drinking... there was no scene of i know IG , i know CM... i knew no one in that city... anyway , since i had bruises on my face and since we were passengers , the driver/owner of the vehicle was alone booked... every second was like hours... on my journey back to chennai , all i could was try to realize reasons for my downfall , reasons as to why things toppled like within seconds... till date , i am still reasoning within myself... i would never say i understood the reasons fully... every time i visit bangalore , i make it a point to visit the areas of my first home , my paying guest neighbors and few friends whom i can never forget... the father whose son we admitted with the rehab , i visit him every time and i can see a much better smile on his face , i dared ask him about the son... who cares if he recovered or is still in the rehab... that smile was all i needed...

Misquotes...

Almost every person termed successful has left behind trails of quotes... These quotes had immense value when used by right people at the right time... Now a days , I consider these quotes even frailer than the cheap punch dialogues used in tamil movies... Those who cannot complete a conversation without making a sing quote , need to reason as to why they actually do so. I feel its their insecurity in not being able to convince the listener with one's own articulation. Its even more a clearer depiction of one's weakness. The greatest gift that creation has ever bestowed upon the human race is the ability to converse with words in order for each other to understand vividly rather than other species who have common signals of sound for various necessity. We all talk day in and out , but have we ever reasoned as to what we talk and why we talk. Are we really communicating or are we just spilling out words that accumulate in our tummies rather than our senses of reasoning. No matter if you are a man or a woman , while you converse , keep in mind you are responsible for what you say , which means you are in command ... and if u r in command , u need to feel like a king , or even God ... Then why would you need someone else quotes , that were written for some other purpose at some other world of time... even if the quote matches your situation , why use what was already used and discarded many times... If you keep quoting , your listeners are going to start predicting every single sentence you talk to them... which in turn makes you a very boring person in the lot. It is that pinch of surprise , what is it that you are going to fill in next , that unknown articulation that keeps your listeners glued to you ... You needn't be a scientist , an orator or an author to make yourself a good pal amongst your friends. You needn't even be interesting. Your mere silence as a listener would be most appreciated than quoting others and having nothing out of yourself. My policy , Be genuine , be yourself , speak your mind (at the right time) , make others enjoy your presence , do not bug them with something they already know... no one is going to pay you for promoting their quotes... Be natural , be what you were born of and grew into...

Oh Fool !

Would there be any person who has not even a single soul to rely upon... One that lived a life hence would be a criminal or someone who has done something the world detests , but even Hitler has fans... I am shocked at this trivia in my life... I am losing day after day... My professional life is down the drain , my marriage is in the gutters and my last solace was family and friends , now even that has hit the shit hole... Looking back and trying to reason as to why such things are happening , i am forced to conclude that I am responsible for my own actions and that's why i am screwed up as of now... accepting that fact i have mistakes in life was easy for me , but what are the mistakes... I am still drilling my brain to single out souls whom i may have hurt but it sublimes to an extent that i can number each person that i have hurt is out of revenge... why would i avenge unless someone hurts me... i really doubt if there are relations that are meant to go with u to the grave , i am in total doubt about the basic policies this world was bound with... or , am i in the wrong place... now thats one question that pushed me back to my birth... the very fact that my life is totally empty today makes me wonder if i was destined to be born or was it some stupid sprinting sperm that caught the egg... a fact that i dont have any of the qualities from my folks... a fact that i am a rebel in most issues... but then i have had my times of glory when folks really wanted my help or atleast my presence... was it all a hoax... or am i dreaming like the matrix... is it a fuckin plug that keeps creeping up thoughts in my head... are all the praises that my colleagues gave me just an eye wash... i am so confused that i am questioning myself , did i jus fall for vanity... is life telling me that almost all souls that i ve come across are a fake... i am not a fool enough to ignore my own mistakes and push it onto someone's head... i always love to take up my goof ups , clear the air and continue in harmony... but even then , y am i in solitude... i just realized that , i was that simple little word in english , which defines the absolute failure in every day life... "A Fool"... why dint i think was always replaced by why should i think... it was this simple question over question that has brought me to a state where in i thought i was a masterpiece but in reality just a piece of shit... even the thought of trying to be sly makes me go mad , i prefer to be an old school with basic values that were built into me by forces called teachers , parents , friends and others... I prefer to whine about my own disaster out of honesty rather than filthy another persons already filthy life and wait for its consequences for which i was never destined to whine...i can always recollect pieces of my life where in i could atleast make so many people laugh out... so which is better atleast , i am just a fool ... not a cheat , not a murderer , not a womanizer , not a fraud and above all not a bastard... so my life is just goin to be a bag of bones story , with nothing interesting at all , but i am supposed to live it and i will till time permits...

Reflection

the saber within inches towards my heart

the moment lets me know its close

writhing in pain a stab could surpass

feeble , that fear would hide his face

sunken , the highlands may be in shame

lost , even the maps could sulk at me

faithless , the Gods would rinse their hands

coward , the devil would scoff at me

worthless , the blood holds me a burden

if not for a purpose

what was I.

If Only

These damned years ,
Moments precisely shrouded ,
Faintest clues evaded ,
Glories just a sham ,
If Only...

Those elusive sights,
Sounds that deafened,
Steps a failure,
Passions a fancy,
If Only...

Heavenly blood failed,
Human blood failed,
Devil's blood failed,
Divinity Failed,
If Only...

Talents never prevailed,
Devils wand ruled,
Foes most appealed,
Thoughts shunned,
If Only , I was a MAN.

a long wait...

empty cubicle , haunting walls , lazy face book , a job of uncertainty , an empty wallet , tempting cigarettes , sleepy eyes , nothing to look forward.

when the worse is expected , "god sure did work in his usual mysterious way"...

there comes a glow , a radiant glow , a sight my unworthy eyes could withstand no more...

truly the Maker is a master of creation , gliding as adrift , a gesture that made my 32 worthless...

a protrude that made every sight in me all these years sinful...

a decibel that literally silenced every other in my world...

a blissful curve that started making things right...

lengths that made my bald a forbidden no mans land...

if only i could kiss the hand of the Maker... amazed at His exhibition of 2 extreme creations , me and the angel in front of me...

A perfect moment for time to stall... No other moment could parallel...

Enlightenment , is this it...

This is my handmade gift from the Maker , made just for me rest assured.

Made me shun my petty life , revolted me to a Kingsley levitation...

Made cloud 9 cover his face , scoffed at every other best...

Coz the Maker gave me the best , He gave it with Love , to be loved and to love...

and HE named it "*********"

only the worthy can see the name , he he he

Neutral

Those idiots , including me who always were proud of being neutral to many issues and aspects of life , mark my words , u r going no where. Today’s world , compliments to me and my fellow beings , we have all complicated it so much that we have endangered our very existence.

The reason why I chose to go silent was to avoid un wanted instances where we may have to resort to verbal abuse or physical.. But now a days the truth is , there is no use being dormant , one day or the other , each one has to break the shell and come out with his wits. Else someone else is going to dominate you and in a way you can never withstand. Might as well finish off at the first instance.

There is no point in waiting for a chance in the future. Grab it the moment it provides itself to you , else your are a failure. You need your voice and you need your guts to stand up the present situation of absolute chaos , else you will regret the very next moment. Thanks to the present scenario where we have un known miscreants entering our daily lives. We turn subtle so that it wouldn’t affect our personal lives. What we forget and what they also forget is they also have a life , attack it , finish it if necessary.

No more room for showing the other cheek , if u realize u r to sacrifice one cheek , be ready to rip both of his. Else it worthy if u perish away rather than walking this earth in dismay. There is no one today ready to spare a minute of their busy schedule even if u r in your death bed. Time has come where people wait to the last chance to postpone a visit to you until the last moment of excuse.

How , how could things happen in such a complex destination. Simple , for every new human friendly or so called friendly invention , there are rules bound to it , made by a bunch of losers who care nothing about common man. You man have no one else but urselves to worry and think about you. You may have all witnessed a time of absolute solitude.

Where this is going to end , is as simple as your death bead , keep in mind even there you are not set free… The mystery continues …

gods must be crazy....

ha ha ha... i begin this laughin at myself...

the deciding factor of any country... the middle class... eh... when to gods created man , the created man and woman... and for fun sake , the created those inbetween... y ... they wanted to experiment what will happen...

so is the life of a middle class being... all experiments on u... anyone can use u , anyone can trial u , anyone can kill u... but nothing wil happen to those who destroy us... the high class can pervail for ever , the poor have the sentiments... what about the majority ... what about us...

look at ur middle class life... every day of ur life is a struggle... ur job , ur family , ur friends , ur enemies , ur emplyers , ur society , no one bothers about u... as long as u pay up ur commitments u r free... but still the trial is always on u... what do we have to defend ourselves... the least u can do is sit online on ur computer and blog... and who is reading it... ur fellow beings who suffer equivalent or more than u....

cursed are we middle class families... we are good for nothing.... biting our teeth , clenching our fists we ve always taken everything that comes are way , and we stop at a point , where we think we r futile... there will be no change for this situation... no one cares about us... no one will ever...

then what do we do... the major population that decides and takes in all crap of daily life... are we sure our family members are safe everytime they go out... are secure about our hard earned wealth... are we even recognised for our works to the society... are we happy at the end of any day in life... do we live in peace... do we have any represenatative...

keep in mind....we are like experimental rats in a laboratory... as long as we lvie , we are of worth... but on the day of test... not even us nor the one who does it knows if we will survive or not... and here we are still ready to volunteer... why , coz our limbs are cut off... our thoughts are cut off... our voices are dried out... there would be no one... but no matter what , this sect of life will continue for ever...

i am sure tho u plan for ur kids , u know it for sure its a 50 - 50 chance... so what do we do... how do we secure ourselves... how do we show our presence... how do we prove our existence as not just material but as human life forms.... what do we do...

simple... struggle everyday , think u ve it all and go to sleep... we will never change... or like in the movie "ten commandments"... it would take more than a man , but a God to save us... sad , sad , very sad is our lives...

u call it life eh...

be it the church... or the hindu scriptures... or the insight of mohammad...

we are all told by some force or the other we choose to be our guiding light , how to live life...

crap... all they say is love and forgive... for the bloody complexity today that man lives... how tolerant can one be... how tolerant... enough to jus wait and see the end of the line expecting miracles , but losing dignity , respect and loved ones for the sake so called man made pressures..

how long is this going to be... how many times do we jus budge to things happenin around us.. how many times do we compromise in a day... is this the promised life in each religion.. atheists stay away , i have another theory for u...

life was meant to be happy ... u love and u get loved... thats what life was about... when did killing and cheating become a reason for living... how could one accept it as a reason for living... believe... a common man also today resorts to killing and other sins... y ... for one reason... he needs to survive... he could be all means finish off his enemies and walk away... but as long as there is a quotient called family... even a single member... remember how much a risk are we taking...

But is the risk worth it... some way or the other , the political system comes into play with every man... dont ever give that excuse , i dont vote i dont care... keep in mind... they are all over u... they can come anytime... any way... pathetic i say... sad is the life of a commoner... where we decide the government and we still get kicked out.. .

how long will we go through this... tho people realize this... even if we form a group that would lead the elections... am sure we would also be corrupt...

BUT
THERE IS HOPE...

read the lines... "FOR THE PEOPLE , BY THE PEOPLE" thats enuf...

recollect one instant in ur life where the government has let u down... believe me... all of us have one... now tell me , can we form something worthwhile...

when the world is talkin about saving indian tigers , haiti , tsunami , and other criterias .... think about the basic value of human living... anyone thinking , what we can do...

this should be the beginning... we can do something... i BELIEVE we can... start it...

dream... thats ur only haven...

when random thinking , makes you take your time... something that most of us... though we do not realize it... our idle minds are so easily carried away... with no rules.. with no borders... with no expectations... with no conclusions... but we still love it...

why coz ... its just our imaginations... its true we can imagine what ever we want... about anything , anyone... but its a trillion times restricted when it comes to reality...

while we imagine , we can do it any way , forget our own initiated imaginations , true all our imaginations have a wee little to what we think on purpose... but when we do so in reality , u know how much we curse our selves and our mind which always keeps suggesting in the negative...

every time we want to do something... the mind or so we blame it , puts us in a stage of choice... but when its totally an imagination , we can even fly , we can kill , we can rule , we can conquer , we can create , we can destroy.... how thin is it a line between being awake and asleep between reality and dreaming...

maybe God created this little illusion called a dream so as to motivate those weaklings in life , tho they know they would never ever subdue any of his dreams but still be a happy one while dreaming... like those captivating loan offers to buy a million dollar home or car in easy installments.... tho u know u need to kill to clear it...

sometimes its more fun and relieving to live a life shrouded with dream than to face nasty realism and finally end up in a heap of earth...

dream rich , eat rich , sleep rich... else u r gonna have to face it all my brother... every aspect opposite to something called the "promised life"...

the sound of death...

when words fail... when your mind fails every single emotion it has ever known to express your happiness or grief... truly , happiness can be compromised to its depth as such , coz we ve never ever thought about comparing the depths of sorrow and joy ever.. coz , joy takes over our minds in seconds... and we say it gets over in seconds... but think about sorrow , and we say its like ever lasting...

since joy is such a futile thing in life... a short lived aspect... lets discover a little about grief... when u are totally grieved ... totally ridden of every single element of joy... when ur mouth fumbles for words... when u strive to get some new word to express your sadness...

out comes some strange noise with tears.. strange noises that you realize are a soothing to your mind... if not reach that stage you cannot breathe further... and u make noises of the unheard...

NOTICE THEM... they are musical notes.... they are terrible insightful notes... they are decibels your mind is shouting out.... screaming out... in the highest of all frequencies... your heart leaps out in total shudder... the pounding itself makes you numb... but the screeching noise u make... is a divine composition... an exquisite blend of total musical divinity... a meager shrill converted totally into a complete musical bliss...

and its enjoyed in tears with love of departing from you , the love that one is gong to miss being with you... the peace and joy being with u ... its the sound that one hears finally ... at the last stage... the last journey one commences from worldly beings... a journey that never has a return ticket... a journey that one would always yearn for a turn about...

that sound my friend... that in sighting music is nothing but the... sound of death , the final ballad with no words n composition , but with the earnest of all of energy screamed out of your breath... thats one eternal soothing , to the pain one realizes when he passes away...

the sound of death...

to the terror darlings... or terrorlings...

u planted fire in my bosom...
u split my children into pieces...
but i engulfed u with love...
u now cannot accept the fact it was u...

u bloodshed my strong keepers...
u too my innocent children...
but i made u valiant to deceit ur advisers...
u now cannot refuse coz u r dead...

u took innocent lives...
u injured irrelevant...
but now they forgive u...
u now cannot forsake their act of love...

u held my by death...
u stilled my children...
but now , we are aware...
we will not wait... we will not take it anymore...
but will fight... fight to your end...
to the root cause... until ur flame is busted...
until my children say...

this is my mother... and she protects us...
coz , we are born brothers...
in love , in love alone...
and we shall prevail...
for ever and ever...

national anthem...

this is my country... this is my India...
no matter what i lose for her... i will not lose her...
thats the spirit instilled in me , while i was born

while i was growing , while i am what i am and while i am what i will be...

you can come , you can relish me , you can love me...
but u cannot conquer me , for i am a mother , a mother to all ,
but when u deceit your love , i prefer my good son...
my spirit is within him , i will never forsake him...

when you put me to flame... my sons douse me with tears...
more painful than you flame , makes me soothing...
my bosom is for all , but not for you who trample your beliefs...
for u know not what ur belief is....

i am a mother , and i will nourish care and nurture my children...
for i am not a mother who was created
but a mother who was incarnated...
as an image in every child born in my labor...

i am that mother , a country that takes it all...
but never repays your evil ... but a mother who loves you
loves you for ur evil thoughts... to engulf you in love ,
thats my children who shroud you with love...

thats my children who shroud you with love...
for your valiant failure in faith...
and its me who protects them under my veil of love...

i am... mother india....

short temper... how short is it

Those who have known me over the years , would know me as a very short tempered person... Never used to think about consequences but when adversities strike me , my only motive would be to finish it once and for all... But for the past five years , I have been practicing to control my temper and also learning to forgive people...

How long can a person take on false accusations , back stabbings , filthy abuse... I believe the line breaks when it comes to a stage when the lives of your loved ones are in threat... For over 2 years I have been taking in the absolute nonsense of a third rated neighbor and each time I used to tell my self and pray for his forgiveness and for his early realization if his mistakes...

Home is heaven on earth for everyone... Imagine when you would have to wake up to worst of worst tamil filthy words... A stage where you should be the only one who should adjust , bowing down to a criminal only because he has man power and some political powers... Is this the life one would be thriving and slogging day after day for...

Talk about police and legal actions... When the cops come for investigations , they see the truth and talk in favor of us , but at the police station when this scum bag whispers in their ears for a few seconds... we become the accused... I now realize , middle class life is the worst and most cursed of all life segments on this earth...

To survive today , its not enough to have a hefty bank balance... you need political influence and also the police to favor you... Its a scene where justice can be bought , a tyranny where law keepers succumb to such malignant pressures... There is no point in having a major media to back you either... Finally it all scales down to how many politicians and goondas you have in your pocket...

It was a disgusting scene to get down to the range of physical attacks when I lost control... How much more can one take especially when you hear typical third rated abuses from a mouth that is totally unworthy of its purpose... Even worse when its your family that is the target... Beating up a person and winning sure makes one proud... But when you see the typical society life style of people just standing and watching the scene , makes u feel totally disgusting...

Its such events in life that makes one forget all values and principles in life and end up paying up a heavy damage...

Dear all ... life is never ever sweet as we see... even if we refrain from evil , it always follows us as a shadow , and it preys on us at a totally unexpected moment... At that moment , one will realize how worthless , how weak , how insecure we are... Cautious is a weak word and it very well might be ignored in our lives... Many of us may have lived an unworthy life... but when you die... dont you think you died for some worthy cause... if a common mans life is not even worth that... I have no more words to say...

ask and it shall be given unto u

for those in faith...

we all know that , all we need to do is ask our Maker and he shall provide us. Very often we are let down... and the only satisfying answer we ever sought is... "not worthy of it"... but man has this deliberate mind which satisfies with some equivalent blessing which actually is a trillion worthwhile than what we ask for , but not even close to what we coveted for...

Christianity says nothing but , pray for anything and everything , at anytime ... all u need to do is ask... well while asking for yourself , conditions do apply , but there is one leverage when praying for someone else , despite the conditions , there is a free entry level gift for all... peace of mind...

forget religion... try it once... shut ur thoughts for a moment , and think well about others... think in the depths of your heart ... you would notice a never experienced calm in your mind... a feeling which defines ecstasy... a point at which ur entire body feels weightless... a point at which u realize , ur self existence alone is nothing but a co existence is every mans purpose and right in this world...

true , we may doubt our desirable wanting during our prayers , but its always a truth and belief , when we do or think good for someone it happens and we have been witness many times , especially our enemies... but imagine if you are in a critical situation , a situation with another individual who faces a situation which forces u to want to see them in a better position ... a position despite the problem haunting them... and u r forced with or without ur consent to pray for them... and u get an insight as a solution to their problem... what would u do... would u just say it out... or would u subdue your self to your doubts...

we have made our minds so complex enough that we can never determine anything for ourselves... nor can we even decide something for the help less... we have pushed ourselves away ... far away from the divine powers that we have no clue if what we do is even what we are meant to do...

some people even fear that if we pray good for others , the good within us leave... no one can even measure the good or evil in anyone... look into every day of each ones life , you would notice one thing... the more u attribute urself to others welfare , the very first symptom u notice is the peace , the real meaning of peace is filled in our hearts... you may even be able to throw away all further adversities , coz u did something good for someone...

its always better to do something good for others than to perish away stuffing stress onto ones own life...

empty vessels eh!!!

a friend of mine today told me with much enthusiasm ... he was totally idle for over 2 minutes and it was bliss according to him... since it was all of a sudden i tot about tamil comedian vadivelu and his comedy strike in a movie about placing a bet for being totally idle for over an hour... for my current situation while i am sitting half the day jobless , i tot about my bloody self to within that fraction of a second...

my friend was too serious about what he said , n i asked him what he meant... thats when he told me about some mentors who had been to his college and during a common question hour in his class... it seems the mentors had asked the students... what would u like to do in life... when all said ambitious answers... my friend asked me if i could guess what he said , being a friend of mine for sometime i tot it should be something wild... truly his answer was not only wild... but made me think for a while and in depth... his answer was "eat well and sleep well"...

do we even realize what it means to "eat well n sleep well"... a heavy lunch or dinner and a drunken sleep is not what is meant over here... do what is right... help the needy... earn what is rightful , do no evil , think no evil , smile , relish your food and sleep tight...

how many of us are able to do this now a days... i tot my drunken sleep was more than all i required... but today i made myself think and all i realize is... amidst all of life frolics if i am able to still convince my self to sound sleep , and if i enjoy 25 % of it... it really means that there is more to life , and it is possible to get a peaceful sleep , only if have a watch over our actions through out the day...

in spite of my principles ... never covet not just another mans wife , but even a girl friend , never cheat , never steal n so on... i ve realized that i still have a lot more disturbances in life... i ve started to realize them , and the best we , tho i chose it long time ago , i think i should practice it more... speak out... but speak out to trusted people... else vent it out like in blogs... you would notice kilos and kilos of unwanted burden just flow out of you...

today man has complicated life so much , that we dont even know how disgusting we have made ourselves... but a simple act of thinking for a minute can reflex our entire life in seconds , refresh them... dump the detestable parts of life... just throw them away... they are not supposed to be within us... and dont you worry such things have no life and are not supposed to haunt u and they will not...

speak up people... never stuff yourself... its no good... travel light is not just for vacations... but also for a journey called life...

a terrible insight...

ever since i realized that i would be in the media field , mostly into advertising , copy writing and story writing... I had the craziest and scariest fear fill me. My style of writing or for the matter my daily articulation itself is plain words , raw topics and straight on the face. I fear least when it comes to people out side my family. But then I always had and i still have a fear when it comes to family reading my posts or comments online.

I was branded a shy and backward child in school , my folks and family graded me as a silent person who never voices an opinion and finally the whole of my world looks down upon every single i take , to be more precise , actions that have done one the adverse side in my life is all that my folks could always remember. My attachment with the love affair thing has always landed me in dire disasters and I ve never discussed private topics or even violent ones at home , tho common and current affairs are a common discussion at the dinner table.

Most of my stories have scenes of passion , sometimes violence and I was branded by a film maker to the peak for my description of passionate scenes. I feel elated every time some one credits my work , but the very thought of my folks reading or seeing them gives me the jolt of life. Most of my writings happen to be critic sited , and sometimes i am forced to use the f&b words of english in the most grandeur. I still have no clue if my works would ever be accepted at home. Thanks to the zero encouragement i receive at home , else i would have had to get an approval from them for all of my works.

True , the bravest of men may fear the slightest prick of syringes needle. Family is still an immense bonding emotion when it comes to being brought up in India. But I would be more than glad to trash all of my works for one adorable and warm hug from folks at home rather than the reputation and fame my works may bring me. After all , if it weren't for them , I wouldn have learned aspects of love and care. Its a free of cost experience for one and all in this world.

Now I realize why i fumble when i see a member of my family in any of the audience i ve anchored. Silly i know , but still wondering if i should fight this fear or not , coz its a wonderful and wild feeling to own the world but submit as nothing to your family's love. Guess there is nothing greater than that...

isnt lust a sin...

"Thou Shall not Covet"

A sinful commandment , I call it sinful , for just one reason. The world is filled with so many things one may stand in awe at. Adam had only on thing to lust for , a tree and a few apples. But that isnt the situations today. As if making beautiful creations , we now have pageants , events and a set of people just to spread that beauty all across the world , along with the internet and other mediums , it comes straight into your homes. We are supposed to look at it , gulp down and forget. Tricky huh , everything is done with a purpose. If everything was made to order , true , creations are in order , but if the greatest creation of all was made perfect , then the Creator would be bored of watching everyone walk around happy. Wink wink...

I found of late that i covet a lot , i covet the beautiful and blissful nature that is given to us free of cost. I covet the wonderful talents that is hidden within each one of us , and i covet more the people who have realized their talents and know how to use them rightfully. I am madly craving for the beautiful voices of singers , how wonderful would it be if u could walk in the rain , singing and appealing to the beautifully drenched earth . How graceful would it be to sing your love to your loved one.

How colorful could we make the world , if we could paint or sculpt like those blessed ones. How happy could we keep others if we could love each other like those who have already set an example before. Wouldnt it be absolutely stunning if a multitude follows your righteous ways to glory. How peaceful would it be if you family would love to see you every day happy and safe back home.

The words of praise come in perfect definition only when heavenly creations are in perfect harmony with mans daily life ventures. Else it is all another wasted day of life.

When u realize , that you were also made special , that you are also counted in the numbers of the earth , that you were also filled with all the talents in life like all others , when u realize and choose those wonderful talents to make your life more beautiful , it immediately reflects on people nearest and dearest to you , making them search their inner self multiplying your single effort over a multitude , and thats how a family becomes a wonderful place to live which again is shared over n over again to everyone.

Realize your worth , realize your talents , you would never have to covet anything , you would make yourself deserving of those you covet for...

its just sound...

"the human voice is the most expressive instrument known to man and if its used correctly can evolve an enormous amount of emotion" yanni on nathan pacheco's voice..."

Isnt it amazing what the Creator has done , the most amazing gift of all creations in this world , an invisible commodity to communicate , and communicate clearly. Am talking about our voices... As always the very best of all creations in this world... love for example , even sound was made invisible. Truly , brilliant creations are to be handled with care , and thats why its invisible , else would we ever think before making use of such an absolute form of creation when we speak each time. Wouldnt it have been awesome , if we could delete what was said. If u possess this beautiful creation called a voice , then u are bound with conditions , true with all exceptional creations. A simple condition called , think before you speak.

Its also wild when u think that its the same organs involved in the delivery of some of the best harmonic recitals in the world , is also responsible for the filthiest and gravest of abuses in every man's life. Isnt it wonderful to hear a beautiful voice , the rendering of various emotions makes each word another heavenly recital. Alongside isnt it sad when we hear the same gift being disrespected and when we hear the filthiest of filth being vomited out as slain words in the society. Of course , it wouldnt be from the same mouths anyway.

The same mouth that once says I love You , may also be the one to provoke a plan to harm someone. The same mouth once was a motivation could be one to way lead another time. Looking at these simple daily activities in life , its proof enuf that no man or any creature of any form could have created this system called life. Bound by simple rules , but looking into the deep complications today , its truly a God who is behind all this wonderful and mysterious takes in life.

When all were gifted with a voice , the maker still made a few special , He muted them , why because He wants the others to know , its possible to create the entire universe likewise too... but how many realize and live a life thanking a healthy body and peaceful mind.

Break down complicated situations in life to simple ones , you would notice , how many definitions make each day of your life , even without your knowledge.

is love blind ???

The greatest illusion in the world ever is that , we name a person called satan for all evil and he has always stunned us by his act of non existence...

Many people have often sang , praised , penned poems about the greatest and invisible force that binds the whole world together "Love"... but isnt it strange that sometimes , this same emotion has had a drastic set back in life. The mere act of making a baby , biological sex , is coined as "making love"... Right from the time of creation , its been love that is driving everything forward... If that very creation itself is out of love , then where did the exact opposite of it originate...

Almost every time a baby is born , its truly an amazing procedure that one goes through and so is the same all over the world. When each one is born out of love , how is it possible that such an adverse act of hatred cultivate. Blame it on upbringing , blame it on society , blame it on anything...

It is from this same form of reproduction out of love that we have extreme characters like terrorists , rapists , murderers , thieves and many more...

Its funny that such innocent babies born out love , turn wicked as they grow , but when its time for them to have their own kids , they do it out of love... Again funny how people fall in love head over heels... wished if they could die for each other and out of the blue end up killing each other...

To achieve anything good is really difficult , but takes only seconds to tarnish the same... Y should it be so... wouldnt it ve been wonderful if it was the other way around... good things are easier to get and bad things are difficult... At the rate the world is advancing towards negative joy , i really doubt if there would be any love from the mother to breast feed her baby...

Human affection is a thin line between sex and love... one is the peak of pleasure on a single dose that lasts for a few minutes... where as the other is a daily dose with mild pleasure that is to last for a life time... its when this relation is upset that we tend to forget about all other aspects of love ... parental love , brotherly , sisterly , strangers ,... all these get affected just because some dont realize that thin line which they should ve marked as a life line...

It would take a God to set things back to normality , no spiritual guides or gurus can ever uplift mans present system of life...